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Randa sent him a message back. You look nice, too. For a barbarian.

Reading her response, Kahn’s grin turned luminous. He clearly loved that she was responding to his playfulness. Still a barbarian, even in your favorite shirt with the hideous alligators?

Randa made a sound of appreciation. She really did love that shirt. Always a barbarian. It’s your eyes. And your hair. And the way your shoulders are the width of a doorway.

Are you ogling my body? What would your grandmother who hated Light Phases say? It’s shocking. I’m shocked!!!!

Grandmother Viola would not be shocked. She always predicted I’d be lured by lustful savagery. Stop luring me with your incredible arms and I’ll stop ogling.

Instead, Kahn took a quick picture of his gigantic bicep and sent it to her. The man was incorrigible.

Randa steadfastly refused to respond to his desperate bid for attention, even as she saved the photo as her phone’s wallpaper.

Kahn chuckled.

Rye was still attempting to translate Tallulah Jayne’s blatant come-ons. “When you say ‘meat,’ are you referencing my penis?”

“Yes. Yes, I absolutely am.” She confirmed. “You’ve got a penis, right? I mean, we can work around it if you’ve got --like-- a sex-tail or something.”

“Our species are anatomically compatible.” Rye assured her, obviously fascinated by the woman. “What is a sex-tail?”

“Like mermaids have! Where does the penis even go during mermaid orgies?” Tallulah Jayne tapped her temple. “Think about it. There must be some sex-tail action happening.”

Rye gasped, as if he totally saw her brilliant point and she was a genius at mermaid zoology.

Are mermaids real here and having orgies? Kahn texted Randa.

I hope not. You’ll hunt them.

Kahn made a considering sort of face, mentally deciding on what weapons he’d need for an aquatic safari.

“Do not discuss objectionable sex-tailed happenings in front of Ashley.” Julius protested. “This is why I had to come to protect her. It’s all wildly inappropriate conversation for her delicate ears.”

Rye looked subdued. “Right, right! Sorry, Ashley. You’ll understand the mermaid talk when you’re older.”

“Doubt that. …But, it’s fine.” Ashley assured him, although she was clearly miserable. Not because she was too innocent to be exposed to sea-themed sexual innuendo. Because dinner was an unmitigated disaster for any human trying to make sense of it. “I’m really here in a professional capacity for Tallulah Jayne. She insisted she needed therapeutic support tonight. I’m just… taking a lot of notes for our next appointment.”

“I knew you wanted her to come.” Tallulah Jayne stage-whispered to Rye. “Paying for an after-hours session was easier than firing her.”

He couldn’t have beamed wider if she’d singlehandedly discovered gravity and rainbows and kittens all in one day. “You are so wise.”

“Dr. Ashley is our therapist.” Randa reminded Julius, before Tallulah Jayne and Rysimer made everyone nauseous with their cooing. “And she’s an adult in this culture.”

“Of course she is!” Julius smiled humoringly. “Is that what you want to be when you grow up?” He asked Ashley in an avuncular tone. “A therapist? Or maybe an astronaut? Or a warrior protecting your realm from nightmarish death creatures?”

Ashley rubbed her forehead, no doubt questioning every single part of her professional life. And her personal life. And whatever other lives she had.

“Do a lot of nightmarish death creatures live on your planet?” Tallulah Jayne asked Rye, oblivious to her therapist’s suffering. “Because I don’t want to be queen of gross stuff.”

“Any creature you don’t like, I will exterminate.” Rye offered gallantly. “But if the Light Kingdom worries you, it is an easy land to rule from afar. After we Phaze, we will live wherever you wish.”

“Aspen! I’ll wear cute ski clothes, and you can fight polar bears or whatever. It’ll be so fun!”

“Just tell me where this Arctic kingdom is, and I’ll claim us a castle there.”

Tallulah Jayne squealed in excitement.

Kahn looked down at Randa, intrigued by the instant success of Rye’s dumb promises. “Do you wish to live in an Aspen-land castle?”