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“That too. But he’s lost everything else he ever cared about.” Julius’ eyes stayed on hers, willing her to understand. “It closed him off and made him angry, every minute of the day. So to see him so invested in you? Smiling at you? Talking with you? It lifts a huge weight from all of us.”
Randa’s attention slipped over to Daven and Mannus, who were blatantly eavesdropping now.
Daven nodded. “This is the best Kahn’s been since the Fall.”
“Since before the Fall.” Mannus corrected. “He’s never been this reasonable. I don’t think he’s killed anyone in days.”
“That’s what has us concerned.” Julius tacked on.
Randa looked back at him, her eyebrows soaring. “You want Kahn killing people?”
“We want him to stay like he is now. The real Kahn. But it’ll only last if he’s with you. He’s too close to Gone Wild.”
“What’s that?” Randa asked before she could stop herself. She could hear the worry in Julius’ voice, and it made her stomach knot. Was something wrong with Kahn? …Besides all the obvious things?
“The older generations would whisper about it, back in the Light House.” Julius ran a hand through his blond hair. “When civilization lost its grip on a warrior and the forest called. Their energy begins to turn primitive.”
Randa’s breath caught in horror. “His energy is failing?”
“It’s jagged and out of control, just like he is. He’s,” Julius shrugged, “losing heart. When a warrior is Gone Wild, they’re swallowed up into the jungle, never to be seen again. Maybe they live out there, untamed. Maybe they die. But they aren’t a part of the world anymore.”
Daven and Mannus seemed uncharacteristically grave. They clearly suspected it was just a matter of time before Kahn disappeared like those lost warriors.
“Kahn is close to vanishing.” Julius summed up, confirming her terrible fears. “If you break him, it will be the end. I’m not saying it to scare you or pressure you. I’m saying it so you’re careful with him.”
“I have no intention of ‘breaking’ Kahn. I don’t think I could, even if I wanted to.”
“You could.” Daven and Mannus chorused.
Julius kept going, as if he’d spent time mentally preparing this speech and now he wanted to get it all delivered. “We do not want to lose Kahn. And you’re the key to making him better. We all see it.”
That sounded wrong. This Gone Wild thing seemed like a mental health issue and not a physical one. Mental Health issues weren’t dealt with by expecting someone else to “make them better.” Dr. Ashley would never let that fly in therapy. You needed to work on healing yourself from the inside out. It’s what Randa tried to do every day.
Julius leaned closer to her over the width of her desk. “Maybe you could placate Kahn a little? Don’t upset him. Cancel the dinner with Isaacs.”
“Absolutely not.”
Julius’ forehead furrowed in dismay. “But…”
Randa cut him off. “No. That would be the worst thing I could do. If Kahn is suffering from this Gone Wild thing, then he needs to face it. Not suppress it. He needs to confront the problem and fight back against it, so it doesn’t pull him under.”
It was a lesson Randa had learned in a dungeon and one that had kept her alive ever since. It was how a person became indestructible. She’d help Kahn master it, too. He had to stay alive. Anything else would break her.
“If Kahn ’fights back,’ there’s a non-zero chance he’ll kill Isaacs.” Julius said bluntly.
“Kahn might threaten that, but he won’t really do it.” Randa scoffed. Kahn wasn’t out of control. He was just stubborn and wounded and needed some support. “Getting through this dinner without hurting Isaacs will give him confidence that he hasn’t Gone Wild yet. Trust me. Self-regulation is very important.”
“We could decapitate Isaacs and solve this whole problem.” Mannus loudly whispered to Daven.
Vienna, Austria.
Marrakesh, Morocco.
“No one is decapitating Isaacs. He’s done nothing wrong, and he’s coming for pot roast. None of you get to dictate my friends.”
Julius made a skeptical face at her defense of Isaacs, but resisted sharing his own feelings on the Air Phase. “It’s not just about Isaacs being dangerous. That’s not what we’re objecting to.”
“Although that should be enough.” Daven muttered.
