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Sleep never comes. Not really. I drift. Wake. Drift again. Every time I close my eyes, I expect to feel it again. Not fear. Not pain. Nothing. That impossible absence that swallowed every instinct my Blood Echo has ever known.

By dawn, I've stopped pretending I'm trying to sleep. The sky beyond my window slowly shifts from black to pale blue as the Academy stirs awake. Somewhere outside, the first bell rings. Usually, I like mornings. Routine makes sense. Routine has rules. This morning nothing does.

Breakfast is louder than usual. Or perhaps I simply notice it more. Conversations overlap. Silverware clinks against plates. Someone at the next table argues passionately that Professor Aldren intentionally writes impossible essay prompts for his own amusement. A second-year immediately agrees. Ordinarily, I might smile. Today, the words blur together without meaning. My untouched breakfast grows cold.

"You haven't eaten." Nyra's voice is gentle enough that I almost don't hear it.

I blink. "I wasn't hungry."

She studies me for a moment. "You look exhausted." "I slept."

"You rested." She says. "Those aren't the same thing."

I look down at the tea in my hands. "No. They aren't."

Nyra doesn't press. One of the things I've come to admire most about her is that she rarely mistakes silence for an invitation. Instead, she tears a piece of bread in half and quietly places one portion on my plate. No speech. No insistence. Just bread. It makes my chest ache unexpectedly.

Cassian arrives several minutes later. His usually immaculate uniform bears unmistakable signs of a rushed morning. His collar is crooked. His hair still damp. He slides into the empty seat across from us carrying far too much coffee for one person.

"Eirea." He doesn't smile. "You disappeared last night."

"I know."

"You scared Nyra."

Nyra immediately shakes her head. "I was worried."

Cassian looks at her. "You were pacing."

"I pace when I worry."

"Exactly."

She opens her mouth. Closes it again. "Fair."

He finally looks back at me. "You alright?"

The lie rises automatically. "I'm fi—" I start.

"No." He interrupts softly. "Don't answer automatically." The words catch me off guard. I stare at him. He continues just as quietly. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong. But don't lie because you think it'll make me feel better."

Something inside me loosens. Only slightly. "I'm not alright." I admit. "I don't know why."

Cassian nods once. "Better." He doesn't ask another question.

By the time breakfast ends, I still haven't eaten more than a few bites.

Nyra gathers her books. "I'll save us seats.We've got History first."

I hesitate. "I..." The words feel strange. "I need to stop by the library first."

"You'll catch up?"

"I will."

She smiles. "Don't miss Professor Aldren."

"I enjoy living." I force a smile.