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CHAPTER ONE

BRIDGET

At thirty-seven years old, I've accepted three things about my life. First, my boobs are never going to look the same without a bra. Second, five cats is apparently four more than society considers acceptable for a single woman. And third, Prince Charming is probably a fictional asshole invented by romance authors to convince women like me that somewhere in the world, there's a man who knows how to find the clitoris without a detailed map and written instructions.

Which is why I'm standing in the bridal suite at my best friend's wedding, wearing a dress that cost more than my monthly grocery bill, wondering whether anybody will notice if I sneak another glass of champagne before the ceremony.

Elise is getting married. My best friend is about to promise forever to a gorgeous man with money, manners, and the apparent ability to put his dirty laundry in an actual hamper.

Meanwhile, I spent twenty minutes this morning arguing with Murder Mittens because the little bastard wouldn't get out of my suitcase.

We're clearly living very different lives.

"Bridget, are you drinking again?" Elise asks, catching me with the champagne bottle in one hand and my empty glass in the other.

"Hydrating. It's important during stressful situations."

"That's champagne."

"There's water in it." I pour another splash while she laughs and turns back to the mirror, where her makeup artist is inspecting the lipstick she'll probably spend the next six hours trying not to smear. After six months of wedding planning, surviving today without strangling somebody with decorative pearls will be a miracle.

Not Elise. Never Elise. We've been friends since college, when we survived on ramen and men who should've come with warning labels. Now she's marrying Nico Valenti, a businessman who worships her. He once drove across Los Angeles in rush-hour traffic because she mentioned wanting cheesecake. My last boyfriend forgot my birthday and suggested we split the check at the restaurant I'd chosen to celebrate it.

I'm not bitter. I just think the universe has a fucked-up sense of humor.

"You look beautiful," I tell her. Her ivory gown fits perfectly, and her diamonds could pay off my student loans.

"So do you. And before you complain again, your boobs look amazing."

"They look like they're planning an escape. I've been afraid to bend over since I put this thing on."

"Good. Maybe you'll finally attract some attention." Elise catches my eyes in the mirror. "Promise you'll have fun tonight. Nico has some very handsome friends."

"Are any of them single?"

"Yes."

"Straight?"

"Bridget!"

"What? I'm narrowing down the possibilities." I grin when she laughs, although part of me knows she's worried about me. I love the library, my little apartment, and the five furry dictators who live there. I don't need a man to be happy. I'd just like one who gives decent orgasms and understands the cats were there first.

A woman with a headset announces that it's time. Elise grabs my hand, her fingers cold despite the warm room.

"What if something goes wrong?" she whispers.

"Then you'll still end up married to a man who loves you. That's the part that matters." I straighten a tiny fold in her veil. "Besides, if Nico tries to escape, I'll tackle him before he reaches the parking lot. These heels are coming off either way."

She laughs and squeezes my hand. "Love you."

"Love you too. Now go marry that gorgeous bastard."

At the ceremony entrance, a dark-haired man in a tuxedo stands near the coordinator, but I'm too busy worrying about Elise to pay him any attention. I'm paired with Derek, one of Nico's friends. He's pleasant enough, but there's no chemistry between us. At least we'll have someone to talk to at dinner.

Then I see his face.

"Honey, are you okay?" I ask, catching his elbow. He's sweating through his tuxedo and looks like expired guacamole.