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The lightness of Khoth’s head from the lack of selchitte seemed to confirm this. Every time he moved and failed to hear them clacking had been difficult, but that was before he was returning to familiar places where all eyes would be on the shorn spots. He remembered Jace’s rage that he had to be the one to bear the burden of exile while his mother did not. Would she bear seeing him better than him seeing her?

“Why do you think my mother and I are transgressive?” Khoth asked, dragging his gaze from the window to Dr. Hayter.

The linguist turned back towards him with Haseon reflected in his eyeglasses. “Oh, well, it’s obvious really. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. How many Thaf’ell would do as you have done? Not just leave everything behind? But also do so because of hope?”

“When I said hope with Jace--”

“You were using a human idiom, yes, I know!” Dr. Hayter nodded as if a pleased teacher with a student. “But you do hope.”

“Jace… the Pilot is the best person to end the danger of the Khul. There are logical reasons for my choices--”

“Yes, of course, but that is not why you did it. Not completely. Logic can only get you so far,” Dr. Hayter said. “It is a good starting point, but it is not the end all and be all.”

“For humans, perhaps not.” Khoth crossed his arms over his chest.

“I see. I have not so much offended you as made you worry that you are not Thaf’ell enough. Forgive me. I admire you greatly. So few could do what you’ve done,” Dr. Hayter said softly.

Gehenna bumped against Khoth’s legs and made a sad sound. Back in her ball shape she looked so innocuous. But nothing was its surface. He felt Jace’s pinky finger line up against his own. The warmth there reminded him that he was already home and Haseon was just a place and Dr. Hayter was giving him his opinion. If he feared that opinion then wasn’t he just proving the point that he wasn’t acting logically at all?

“What about my mother?” Khoth asked.

The linguist now looked distinctly uncomfortable. “Ah, well…”

“I wish to know, Dr. Hayter. I will not be offended. I need to understand who she is and what she and I share to be as useful as possible to the Pilot,” Khoth said. “What do you see when you look at her?

“Well.” The linguist stroked his chin. “She is interesting in the extreme. On the one hand, she knows full well that, logically, if there is not enough tech to support the entirety of the Alliance that she must draw back to a position that she can defend.”

Khoth slowly nodded. “By not doing so, she may be putting all of the Alliance in danger.”

“Hmm, yes. I think there is an element of pride in not wishing to retreat.” Dr. Hayter pursed his lips. “The Alliance is something of a point of pride, a point of honor. The Thaf’ell have kept the other Alliance species safe. She did not want that to change under her rule.”

“Yet she wouldn’t ask for help even though she knew that help was needed,” Davies murmured.

“The Thaf’ell…” Jace began and stopped, his gaze swinging to Khoth. Khoth made a tiny nod to tell him to go on, to say what he wished to say, what they all needed to hear. “The Thaf’ell believe they are superior to the other species. How can you be that if you’re asking for assistance? When you have to admit that your way isn’t working?”

“So that is why she was willing to do whatever it took to get the Pilot and the Osiris, including violating her own codes and those of her people, because she knew just how desperate things truly are,” Dr. Hayter explained. “But I think there’s more that I don’t quite know yet.”

Desperation. That was a logical thing to deduce from her behavior. Not only had she lost her daughter when Daesah was killed, she had lost her High Commander, the person she likely confided in more than even her own husband. Daesah and their mother had always understood each other.

“My sister,” Khoth swallowed, “my sister was High Commander before she… was killed by the Khul.”

“Your sister knew about the difficulties the Alliance was in?” Davies asked.

Khoth gave a sharp nod. “Yes, and she believed that the Osiris was the key.”

“And your mother sent you to the Osiris?” Dr. Hayter guessed.

Another nod. Khoth turned his head so that he was staring into Jace’s eyes. “My mother confided in my sister, trusted her judgment, recognized that Daesah saw the universe differently than she did. But instead of seeing that as a challenge to her authority, she saw it as a counter. Someone who balanced her, I think.”

Jace slowly nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“You are like Daesah in so many ways,” Khoth said and the urge to run the back of his hand down Jace’s cheek left a bitter taste in his mouth. “But you are more, because you are the Pilot. You can actually accomplish what Daesah only hoped.”

“Well! That’s the answer then.” Dr. Hayter rocked back and forth in his seat with a pleased expression on his face.

“What is, Dr. Hayter?” Jace asked. His cheeks had flushed a delicious pink as if he knew what Khoth wanted to do.

“Make High Councillor Voor see you as her counter. Not a challenge. But someone who can balance her,” Dr. Hayter said.