Page 37
“Hmmm, yeah, I’m sure. But we did engage people who are very adaptable and bounce back from things,” Jace said.
She nodded and smiled. “Yes, indeed, but everyone will have issues sometimes. But it is hard to admit that, especially, if the leader doesn’t like to admit he needs help.”
Khoth lifted his eyebrows. She was talking about Xi and Xa. Jace grimaced.
“Doc, I’ve got to appear okay.” Jace shook his head. “I’m pretty sure you heard about my little… uhm, reaction earlier. People freaked out. If I’m seeking therapy people will really freak out.”
“Or, they will realize that everyone--no matter how strong, resourceful, adaptable or open-minded--needs to talk things out every once in a while,” she said gently. “You’ve gone through alot just from what I’ve heard, and, what I’ve heard is probably not the half of it.”
Jace sighed. “Maybe.”
“Your Xi and Xa need to be in balance, Pilot. We have seen when they are not in other people,” Khoth offered, thinking that Jace would ball around his worries--which he had many of--instead of releasing it. His mother was proof of the damage that caused.
“I can’t order you to come see me, but I hope that you’ll come, if not for yourself then for others who will follow your example,” she said.
Jace nodded. “You’re right. Maybe talking about things will be good. We should set something up.”
“I will coordinate with the Osiris,” she answered kindly. “I promise, Pilot, that I am here to help you and will help you in any way I can.”
Jace smiled again. “Thank you, doctor.”
Khoth was pleased that Jace was seeing to his Xi and Xa. He would, of course, offer his own support, but there were things that he could not necessarily do for Jace. A lover was a support, but he knew that Jace would want to spare him things.
Dr. Kerr turned to Khoth. “And you must feel free to come see me as well, Commander. Change can be very difficult.”
Khoth blinked. “I--I am quite well--”
“I’m sure you are, but as the Commander, you, too, set an example. Again, only if you wish to meet with me,” Dr. Kerr offered.
“I--I shall consider it, doctor,” Khoth said stiffly.
She said goodbye and drifted off. Only when she was out of hearing did Jace chuckle.
“Hoisted on your own petard! Or I should say rahir!” Jace laughed.
Khoth frowned. “I do not see what you mean by that.”
“You were very happy to have me talk to Dr. Kerr about my feelings, because you’re worried about my Xi, my inner self, right?”
“Yes, you are our leader and great stress will be placed upon you,” Khoth agreed, putting into words what was normally private, but he wanted Jace to know how much he cared. “I would do anything to lift some of that weight from your shoulders. So if Dr. Kerr can assist in this, I fully support her.”
Jace’s expression softened and he gave Khoth a devoted look. “T-thank you. Now you make my joke seem lame.”
“Your joke… ah, that I wished for you to see Dr. Kerr, but I balked at seeing her myself?” Khoth guessed.
“Yeah, by the way, you don’t have to see her. I am not ordering you to or anything like that,” Jace assured him.
“She is… is human. I fear she will not understand the complexities of Thaf’ell inner life,” Khoth said, then he paused and added, “but you seem to understand me very well. So perhaps I should not quickly come to the conclusion that she cannot help.”
But Jace didn’t appear offended at all by that.
“Look, I get it. We don’t know if she can understand us, let alone where we’re coming from,” Jace said. “But it is good for us to set an example.”
“Indeed.” Khoth inclined his head.
“Pilot! Commander!” Jack called as he and Jace’s mother came over to them arm in arm.
Khoth was startled to see the open affection between the two at an event. Perhaps he should not have been. Humans were different than Thaf’ell. But the evident love between them had his Xi twisting in his chest. He wanted to loop an arm around Jace’s back, put a comforting hand on the base of his spine, and feel Jace’s warm weight against him. But he remained stiff and untouching Jace. They had to be professional. Even Jack was calling Jace “Pilot” and him “Commander”.