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“How are you?” he asks, ignoring my question.
“A little sore, but fine,” I respond warily. He’s acting weird.
“You look like hell.”
“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. “I haven’t even been able to shower yet. Because I woke up to find a weirdo sitting in my room.”
He ignores my sarcasm. “It’s not a shower you need. You have facial abrasions and two black eyes. Probably from the airbag. They weren’t there last night, but they’ve had time to darken. My saliva can’t help with internal bleeding. We need to get you a healing potion.”
That explains the swollen feeling around my eyes and the sore face. That still doesn’t explain what he’s doing at the foot of my bed, just watching me sleep, however.
“Why are you here, Julian?”
“I am not bound to you anymore,” he replies, his voice calm, even clinical.
My eyes widen. “It finally wore off?”
“Not exactly,” he says cryptically. “I am just sitting here, looking at you so that I can decide what it is I truly feel about you.”
A pit forms in my stomach. I remember his story about Troy, about how when Helen’s thralls woke from their bond, they hated Helen, wanted to kill her for enslaving them. “And?” I ask.
“I love you,” he says, frowning, like what he’s saying is some sort of problem to be solved.
“What?”
“I love you. Still, even without your blood binding me to you. It is quieter, less urgent than before, but the feelings I feel when I look at you are the same.” His lips twist on the last word, like he’s tasting something sour.
I suddenly feel shy and kind of offended. “Is that a bad thing?”
“Of course it is,” he shrugs. “It’s against my better judgment, against logic. I can’t be objective now when it comes to you. Your feelings and opinions still matter to me. I can’t focus on leading my organization effectively if I am following after you like a love-sick swain.”
I don’t really know what a “swain” is, but I get his meaning from context. “Maybe the feelings will fade?" I suggest trying to comfort him. “The bond just barely broke. Maybe the feelings just take longer to go away.”
His gaze sharpens on me. “Do you want them to fade?” His voice is soft, unreadable.
What a loaded question. I don't know what answer he wants me to give. I decide to be honest. “Not really. It might be a little selfish of me, but you loving me means that I’m protected, right? You’ll protect me from everyone who will be hunting me, not just because we have a contract, but because you love me. That makes me feel safe. I am sorry, though, if it’s inconvenient for you.”
His face stays unreadable. “You are not happy to hear of my feelings for any other reason?”
Oh. He’s feeling vulnerable. He wants me to return his feelings, but I can’t. I don’t. Not yet, anyway. We’ve barely known each other for a week, for fucksake. “Julian . . .” I say, trailing off. What does one say when a handsome, dangerous man confesses that, against his better judgment, he loves you? Once again, the truth sounds like it’ll be the best idea. “I’m attracted to you. How could I not be? You look like . . .” I gesture at him helplessly. He knows what he looks like. “And I like you. Against my better judgment, I might add. You threw me in a dungeon and lead an organization on the wrong side of the law. You’ve lived a life that I can’t even begin to understand. You killed men in front of me. But all that doesn’t matter, apparently. I do like you. But love . . .” I trail off again.
“But love?” prompts Julian, not letting me get away without answering.
“Love is important to me,” I say. “I never had anyone who told me that they loved me growing up. It made the word have more weight with me. I’ve never actually said that to anyone before, either. I’ve had boyfriends and whatever, but I never fell in love with any of them. I liked them, but I don’t want to say it until I actually mean it.”
Julian slides closer to me, faster than my eye can track. He’s suddenly in my face, his gaze intent.
“I’m going to make you fall in love with me.” He says it like a vow, like an inevitable, forgone conclusion.
The pit in my stomach turns to butterflies. I laugh lightly, a little breathlessly. “You can’t make someone love you. It doesn’t work like that.”
“Yet, I shall do it. You will be as helpless before me as I am before you.”
I don’t really know what to say to that. He’s helpless before me? Scary, powerful, ancient vampire that he is? That makes me feel powerful, confident. I give a small smile. “If anyone could, I’m sure it would be you.”
His lips gently press against mine in answer, a whisper of pressure. My belly flutters, and my hands creep up his muscular body before they rest on his shoulders. I tilt my head, and the kiss deepens. His hands come up and cradle my face, but I whimper and pull away. It hurts. My face is more tender than I thought.
Julian freezes at the sound of pain. He pulls back, frowning. “I’m sorry,” he says, sincerely. “I forgot.”