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"They threatened Erin. She was still in high school. They told my father what they'd do to her if he didn't pay, and he kept gambling. He didn't care. He didn't stop. So I stepped up. I went to them myself and worked out a payment plan with money I didn't have. I was nineteen, twenty years old, sitting across from men who broke people for a living, telling them I'd cover my father's debts if they left my family alone.

"My mother and I never told Erin about the threats. We didn't want her living in fear. But we made sure she was safe. We walked her to school. We changed the locks. We did what my father should have been doing.

"I kept Erin safe. But I couldn't save him. He was found in a parking lot in Dorchester. They beat him. He died in the ambulance. I told Erin it was a heart attack. She still believes that."

Janine took my hand in both of hers. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"He's the reason I quit hockey. He bet on my games." The sentence came out harder than the rest. "Every game I played, going back to high school. My father had money on me. I found out in college, when a teammate told me he'd seen my father at a sportsbook talking about my line. I confronted him. He told me it was harmless. I told him to stop." I shook my head. "He didn't stop. And I kept playing.

"I kept playing because I wanted the career. I'd worked my whole life for it, and I wasn't ready to walk away. So I graduated, I joined the Bruins organization in Providence, and every game I skated for two years, I knew my father had money on me. I knew what that money was doing to my family, and I laced up anyway."

"Then he was killed. And I couldn't touch the sport after that. So I locked it away. Put my hockey gear in a box and didn't open it until you and Hazel came along."

I kissed her knuckles.

"I found the parts of myself I'd buried through the two of you. And that's something I'll always be grateful for."

She was quiet. I could feel her holding on.

"Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy. And I'm grateful you trusted me with it."

She looked down at our hands.

"I'm sorry too. I should have come to you when Declan said what he said. Instead I carried it alone and let it put distance between us. That wasn't fair to you."

"Hey." I tipped her chin up. "We're on the same team, Janine. That's how this works. Whatever comes next, whatever's hard, we deal with it together. I might not always agree with you, but I promise you I'll never let a disagreement get bigger than us."

She smiled, and I caught the mischievous edge before the words came.

"So you'll let me put cinnamon in your bolognese?"

"Absolutely not." I stood up and pulled her out of her chair and into me. "But I'll still eat it if you do."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too." I kissed her. The taste of wine was on her lips. Her dress was soft under my fingers and every wall I'd spent ten years building was finally down.

I let my hands slide down her back and under the hem of her dress. Her skin was warm under my fingers, the curve of her waist soft against my palms.

Her breath caught against my mouth. I traced the inside of her thigh and felt her fingers curl into my shirt.

"Alex—"

I turned her around. She braced her hands on the kitchen counter as I pressed against her from behind, my mouth on her neck, her shoulder, the place behind her ear that made her go quiet. I let my hand move under her dress, between her legs, and she was wet and ready and the sound she made when my fingers found her went straight through me. My other hand moved up to her chest.

"Right there." Her head tipped into my shoulder.

I took my time. I could feel her breathing change, feel her pushing back against my hand, and I matched her rhythm and stayed with her until her hand gripped the edge of the counter and her whole body tensed. She said my name once, sharp and broken, and I felt her come apart against my fingers.

I held her until her breathing slowed. She turned in my arms and looked up at me, her eyes dark, her cheeks flushed.

"Take me to bed?"

I carried her to bed and spent the rest of the night making her feel every bit of what she meant to me.

She fell asleep with her head on my chest. I lay in the dark with my hand in her hair, lighter than I'd been in ten years, and I was not afraid of any of it.

CHAPTER 25