Page 94

I look around at all three of them, taking in their obvious bond. He’s right. They are family, in every way that matters.

And I… god, I really want to be part of a family like theirs.

I shove that thought down before it can take root. I’m not going to ruin this incredible thing I have by hoping for more than what they’re offering. Not when I’m already getting so much more than I ever expected. I refuse to be selfish about this.

I look over at the Christmas tree, trying to distract myself from those dangerous thoughts—but of course that’s exactly the wrong choice. Because instead, I’m just reminded of how all the colors blur together for me, making the decorations look drab instead of festive. It’s bright, certainly, and I love the way the lights twinkle like stars. But I know it’s not the beautiful, vibrant display that others see.

“What’s wrong?” Gabriel asks gently, always so perceptive.

“Nothing at all.” I put on a quick smile, but it feels forced and I can tell they notice. “I was just looking at the tree.”

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Gabriel agrees, but his amber eyes study me shrewdly. “We did an excellent job decorating it.”

I nod quickly. “Yes, it’s lovely.”

“Don’t lie to us,” Ford says, his tone playfully stern but with an underlying note of genuine concern.

I shrug, feeling suddenly vulnerable. “It is lovely, I’m not lying about that. It’s just—you know, with my colorblindness. Sometimes I feel a little left out of things like this. I feel kind of silly admitting it, since I know it’s not really a big deal, but it’s still something that makes me feel… different. Like another thing that keeps me on the sidelines of life.”

“Another thing?” Hayden frowns with obvious concern. “What other things?”

“Well.” My face heats with embarrassment. “My weight, for one thing.”

Hayden shakes his head, his expression fierce. “Your colorblindness, your weight, all of it—everything you think puts you on the sidelines—it’s part of what makes you who you are. And who you are is amazing. Every single part of you.”

My heart feels like it’s swelling in my chest, like it might burst right out if I don’t do something about these overwhelming feelings. Before I can second-guess myself, I push up from the couch and lean over to where he sits in the armchair, pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss.

I can feel Gabriel and Ford watching us intently. It’s a gentle kiss, sweet and grateful, and I savor every second of it. But I also love knowing they’re watching me kiss him, that they’re part of this moment too.

When I pull away, I can see hunger burning in all three sets of eyes.

“Earlier,” Ford says carefully, “you said that you didn’t think that all of this was a good idea.”

I swallow hard. “Yes, I did say that.”

Ford and Hayden exchange a pointed look that makes me flush deeper.

“Is there anything specific you’re unsure about?” Gabriel asks softly. “Anything we can do to reassure you? We want to take care of you, petit oiseau doux.”

I swallow, chewing on my lips for a second before I answer. “Maybe it would be best if we were clear with each other about expectations? What are the rules here, exactly? Is it okay if I’m with… uh, what happened with Hayden and Ford that first night, is that something that’s acceptable? Or would you all prefer it to be separate from now on? I mean, I can be with all three of you, but not together at the same time?”

“That’s a fair question,” Ford admits. “We haven’t really discussed any boundaries, and we should. We want you to feel comfortable with everything.”

“I need you all to stop being so considerate.” I laugh, feeling overwhelmed by their care. “I’m used to you barking orders at me. Driving me crazy!”

“Oh, we’ll still order you around plenty,” Gabriel assures me with a wicked smile. “Don’t worry about that.”

“And we’ll definitely still drive you crazy,” Hayden adds with a playful wink.

Heat floods through me at their promises, but I try not to let myself get instantly distracted by the implications. “So you’re asking me what I want?”

“Yes,” all three say almost simultaneously.

I take a deep breath, gathering my courage. I know what I really want deep down—I want a real romance, something permanent and lasting. But that’s not what they’re offering me. They’re offering fun and incredible sex during the holidays. In that context, what do I actually want?

“I really liked it when you worked together,” I murmur, my face burning with embarrassment but my voice steady. “It was incredibly hot. If it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and you don’t want to do it again, I understand. But if you’re okay with it… I loved being shared by you.”

All three men look at me with a kind of heat that sends my internal temperature rocketing, and I tug my lower lip between my teeth as my stomach flips over.