Page 266

And despite what she told me—despite how often she explained how things were while she was living here—part of me still didn’t truly believe I’d walk into her room and find nothing.

Not even a makeshift closet with soft blankets. Something that would just pass for the bare fucking minimum.

I just can’t wrap my mind around it. Her whole life. Her whole fucking life.

The whole time she’s probably been living in a state of panic. Her adrenal glands have probably been working overtime for years, keeping her in fight-or-flight. How long did that go on until her body finally accepted what her brain already knew?

That there was no safe place for her. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to escape.

Nothing.

And when she finally did escape that fucking hell, I made it my mission to reinforce all her feelings of inadequacy with my stupid bullshit just because I had to be right.

It was more important for me to be right than to fucking listen to what she was saying and⁠—

FUCK!

I pound my shovel into the ground, rocking it back and forth to dig around another huge tree root. It clings to the Earth the same way guilt clings to my ribs. I lift my shovel and bring it down harder than before.

If only I could take my anger out on myself the same way.

Fates, I’d been so damn confident. So sure she was manipulating me. Her tears, the stories about her life, the insistence of her Mate Bond with Caelan.

Every time I looked at her, it was just like seeing⁠—

No.

I thrust the shovel harder and pull out a huge clump of grass and dirt, tossing it aside.

I’m not going to think about her. Not after I’ve done everything in my power to forget that one night of weakness.

The one night that cost me so fucking much. My greatest shame. The one thing no one—not even my brothers—knows about.

Sweat drips down my temples as the pounding ache in my head gets worse. It’s like my own brain is betraying me. Forcing open the doors of my past after I’ve spent centuries keeping them locked tight.

I sit back on my heels, rolling my shoulders and neck, trying to stretch the kinks out of my muscles.

This should be easier. Step one: Dig a hole. Step two: Find out what the Omega’s—Idril’s—mother left behind.

But it’s been far from easy. This damn tree is ancient, its roots sunk deep into the Earth. It makes it almost impossible to dig, and we have to keep working around and under them.

My shovel thunks into the ground once more, and dirt tears from the Earth. I don’t even mind this part, really. I’ve never had a problem getting my hands dirty, contrary to popular belief.

There’s something soothing about working with the soil. It’s cool and wet, carrying the faint scent of iron and minerals and reminding me of simpler times.

It’s rained recently, but for the life of me I can’t remember when. I can smell it, though. The deeper we dig, the more intense the scent becomes, reminding me of rain and blood and⁠—

Rain and blood.

Just like that night.

It’d been raining for what felt like forever, making it harder than it should have been to navigate the horses through the overgrown area behind the cabin.

That’s where we found them. Ten Omegas. Tied up outside, huddled together for warmth. Most of them were human, but a couple were vampires.

They’d been exhausted. Terrified. Unwilling to believe we weren’t working with the Severed who’d taken them in the first place.

Back then, I was just out of training. Too green to know better than to walk right into her trap. Too confident to consider that a threat can come from anywhere.