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Tap, tap… tap, tap.

“And we can light your best smelling candles and cuddle under your fuzziest blanket.”

Tap…

“Okay.”

Charlotte peppered a few kisses to her cheek, not missing the oh so subtle twitch at the edge of her lips in an upward direction. For winging this entire interaction that seemed like a good sign. Ali needed to get away from whatever she was trying to sketch and out of her own head. Sitting there stewing all night wouldn’t do anyone any good.

Hours later they were snuggled under the biggest, fuzziest blanket, full from pizza and snacks. Charlotte would have to make use of her home gym tomorrow. As time passed and the documentary held Ali’s attention she became more and more herself. Though still far from her usual cheerful countenance and chatter.

When credits rolled Ali’s eyes went sad again, fingers smoothing the soft fibers in one direction.

“Would it be okay if I stayed?”

Ali perked up, eyes sparking as she nodded enthusiastically.

Half an hour later they were cuddled up in Ali’s cloud-like bed.

Charlotte lay there, eyes closed, steeped in the quiet and the familiar comfort of Ali’s scent, filing away the day’s events. Sleep was just within reach but she could feel it, Ali’s gaze, steady and intent.

She cracked one eyelid open and caught the dark orbs fixed on her, fingers toying with the locket always hanging around her neck.

Charlotte opened both her eyes, taking Ali’s hand propped on her pillow and lacing their fingers together, knowing well some things were more easily said in the dark.

“I have OCD,” she blurted in a whisper, the first bit of conversation she initiated the entire evening.

Charlotte drew her hand closer, pressing a kiss to the back.

She pieced it together fully when Ali struggled with her compulsions on their snack run.

Making it out of the apartment was its own particular challenge, only to get halfway down the steps before spinning back around, needing to say goodbye to Willow and tell the furball she wouldn’t be gone long. Making it all the way to the sidewalk next before she turned around again, claiming she said goodbye incorrectly. She made it halfway down the street when she tried to go back again, fighting back tears as she worried her apartment might catch fire because she hadn’t done it right.

They made it to the shop where Charlotte assured her disaster wouldn’t strike if they didn’t buy four of each snack.

“I’m glad you feel like you can tell me. Did something happen to trigger it today or does it just happen sometimes?”

“It’s worse when I’m stressed, really tired, or in a new place for too long without getting to decompress. It used to be really bad but my medication helps a lot and I’m better with my self-care, therapy, and coping mechanisms. But sometimes things get stirred up and I get dragged in and I can’t get out.” Ali explained.

“How does it feel?” Charlotte asked, stomach twisting. “When it drags you in?”

Ali fell silent for a long minute.

“It’s hard to explain… Kinda like being in a dark room and all these thoughts are playing on loop over a loudspeaker. And I can’t find the door. But if I find the door, maybe I don’t have the key. Whatever I’m ruminating on takes over every thought and decision. Complete hyperfocus, like breathing through a straw. The world goes gloomy, everything loses its color, there’s no joy… it’s all replaced with anxiety and sadness. I’ll try to be happy but I can’t because I get reminded of my OCD and maybe if I do my compulsion I’ll feel better but then I need to do it again. Just one more and I’ll feel better.”

Her voice cracked, and Charlotte wondered if she ever trusted anyone with this.

“It’s harder to take care of myself. My tics get worse. Meds help… they don’t get rid of it but they make it easier to get out of the dark room.”

Charlotte scooted closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds exhausting.”

“It is.”

“What can I do to help?”

Ali blew out a breath, hand settling over her eyes, choking on her next words. “I don’t know.”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Charlotte let the moment breathe before choosing her words with care, “How was what I did today?”