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I heard Soren mutter something as he took over driving. I rolled my lips in to suppress a smile because this must be his mom and dad. Admittedly, I was somewhat nervous to meet them, but something about the pastel blue jogging suit moving toward the now parked combine told me I had nothing to fear. She visibly bounced with excitement, and I swore I even saw her clap her hands at one point. The much calmer man had made it to the top of the porch steps and descended at a much more reasonable pace. I stood and collected my water bottle as Soren pushed open the door muttering, “Here we go.”

“Soren sweetheart, couldn’t you take her on a better date than in a combine?!”

Soren’s mom immediately turned to his dad and proclaimed, “He must take after you, Harvey, although you did win me over with combine dates, so that’s not saying much for me is it?”

She laughed at her own joke and Harvey walked to her side. As I reached the bottom of the ladder, I was squashed into a hug unlike any I’d ever received and she did not let go. I think if I knew her better, I would have enjoyed it. Tears stung my eyes at what it must be like to be loved by a mom so much. Even if the hug felt like a little too much.

“Gayla, let the girl breathe,” the man that I now knew as Harvey reasoned.

Gayla let go and put both of her hands on my cheeks.

“Sweetheart, I can’t believe I’m seeing you again after this many years.” Her hazel eyes shone with tears, and Soren took my hand. I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure what to say, but there was something in her eyes that made me want to get to know her better. She seemed a little familiar, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the things Soren had shared with me or if I’d simply forgotten the other times I’d seen her before. Something inside of me wanted to remember any memory I had of seeing her, although logically, she had most likely only seen me from a distance. She pulled me in for another fierce squeeze and Soren made the introductions.

I learned that Harvey was similar to Soren, except more quiet. He had a deep kindness behind a quiet smile that simply exuded from him. If anyone could ever be considered the human form of sunshine like Talia, it was Gayla. I knew she and Talia would be fast friends. They both had that gift of making people feel welcome, and appreciating people as they are. We made our way toward the porch after a back-slapping hug between Harvey and Soren and a rib-crushing embrace between Gayla and Soren. After more catching up and visiting, we settled in around the kitchen table to a meal that Gayla prepared, and there was never a moment of awkward silence. There was never a moment where I felt like I didn’t belong.

Three hours later and I was driving back home. Soren’s parents were everything that parents should be. They were kind and supportive to their son. His mom was hilarious, and his dad was reserved and quiet, but not in a rude way. More of a watchful and shy way. He rarely talked, but he appeared more comfortable in letting his wife do most of the talking. The thing I didn’t miss was how his eyes lit up when he looked at her. She’d said they had been married for thirty-eight years, but their love still seemed like a cross between puppy love and two people that knew each other exceptionally well. Gayla had explained that the ranch was from Harvey’s side of the family, and they had dedicated twenty-five years to running it. After Abel had passed, they decided they needed a change. Farming and ranching had always been Soren’s passion. After he had completed his agriculture degree, they wanted him to feel free to make the changes he wanted without being limited by their opinions. Gayla worked in insurance, most of which involved hurricane damage, therefore allowing them to travel along the southern coastline. Harvey had discovered a love for birdwatching and golfing and those activities kept him busy in retirement. Gayla said that she required more activities in her life and working part-time allowed her to be around people more which she loved. I felt a tinge of pain wondering what it would have been like to grow up with a family that loved each other. Knowing that no matter what hardships you faced, you had a family there to face them with you. I was thankful knowing that Abel had such a loving family for his short life. He had known what it was to be truly loved and cherished, and I imagined that must be the best feeling in the world.

Chapter

Forty

Soren

“Thanks, Mom,” I said as I closed the door to the dishwasher and pressed start. We had cleared the table long ago, but I had to practically drag Sawyer away from cleaning the whole kitchen so we could visit with my parents. At first, she was hesitant, but as the time passed, she relaxed and grew more comfortable to the point that she asked questions. The tension and apprehension in her shoulders dropped, and she laughed at my mom’s antics that I knew she was especially playing into for the benefit of Sawyer.

My mom’s eyebrows met, unsure of what I was thanking her for.

“For making Sawyer feel welcome,” I explained, and my mom smiled softly.

“Seems like someone should be fussing over that girl.” My dad observed quietly. I ran a hand through my hair and tugged at the strands at the bottom. I settled at the dining room table where my dad sat with a cup of decaf coffee.

“If it were up to me, I’d spoil her rotten,” I said honestly, studying my hands.

“Oh, sweetheart,” my mom responded as she sat beside me and patted my hand.

“What’s the hang-up?” my dad asked.

“Sawyer has C-PTSD. She grew up being bounced around in foster care. Some of the places she lived were hell, Dad. I try to tell her how special she is, but it’s like she hears the words but they don’t make it through her walls all the way. I’m trying to take things slow, but everything inside me wants to run.” I scrubbed my face with my hands.

My dad was quiet in his reflective way, mulling over my words.

“Self-worth doubts can run deep, but all you can do is be that steady person that shows her you’ll always be there for her,” my mom advised as she patted my shoulder, before making her way toward the guest room to get ready for bed.

“Son, I don’t say it often enough, but I’m proud of you. The farm is better than it ever has been and you’ve found a girl that seems real special. You know your mom and I will always be here if you ever need us. You’ll know what to do when the time is right.” Something shifted in my heart at his words. I blinked away moisture. My dad had a way of saying all that needed to be said with the bare minimum of words. I knew my parents loved me, and all I had ever wanted to do was to make them proud. They had always said they loved me and supported me, even though I felt I had disappointed them with the disaster of my life and the rumors years ago. Was I simply hearing the words and not believing them? Maybe Sawyer and I weren’t that different.

I had walls where my parents were concerned. Was it because I was scared to lose them like I had lost Abel? Did I think that keeping them away from me kept them safe? Maybe it was time I simply believed the encouraging words they spoke to me. Maybe it was time I fully realized I was not the same person I had been, and I was capable of loving someone despite the fear of loss. I scrubbed my hand over my eyes as the early morning start to the day wore on me.

“Thank you, dad, that means a lot. Sawyer’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted, and the possibility of losing her scares the hell out of me.” I met his crystal blue eyes, praying he’d have some words of wisdom to tamper the fear I faced.

“Son, loving a woman is always that way. I don’t know what’d I do without your mom. I think if we’re going to live full lives, we’ve gotta go out with no regrets. Make sure those around us know we care and leave nothing unsaid.” He tipped his coffee cup and stood slowly, stretching his back.

“I’m heading to bed, but let’s talk about Abel’s foundation tomorrow. I want to hear more about the idea you boys came up with.” With that, he patted my shoulder with his weathered hand, rinsed out his coffee cup, and went to bed. Loving Sawyer Brannan was the greatest adventure of my life. I knew that telling her might scare her, so I'd keep loving her quietly until the day she saw that she loved me too.

Chapter

Forty-One

Soren