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“No I didn’t . . . That person leaving all those amazing five-star reviews is clearly named DefinitelyNotZodiac. If it were me, I wouldn’t name myself Definitely ‘Not’ Zodiac, would I? Also, I’m sure I’ve seen them. They’re very handsome. They come back often. Excellent guest. Sexy as fuck.”

“Is this guest your own reflection?” Victor asked.

Zee narrowed his eyes, then grinned. “Wait, you think I’m sexy as fuck?”

“That is not what I said⁠—”

“Yeah, you did. I said he’s sexy as fuck, and you said in your daddy voice, ‘It’s your reflection,’ which means you think I’m sexy as fuck. Just admit it,” Zee purred. “We all know you’re weak against my charms.”

“Did you just call me weak, demon?”

While they argued, I searched for some of Zee’s fake reviews on the laptop, cleared my throat, to interrupt their bickering, and read one aloud. “OMG this hotel is the best, especially the demon. Ten fucking stars.”

Zee shrugged. “That’s obviously a happy guest. Well done us.”

“I stayed for the demon. I’ve seen all his adult movies. He’s so talented and sexy and amazing. I want to have him IN ME. The in me part is in all caps.”

Zee rolled his hand. “Clearly real. Go on.”

I sighed and found another one. “Another great stay at this fucking awesome hotel. The demon is the best demon, the vampire sucks, manager is okay I guess.”

“Accurate,” Zee said. “These are all valid. Why are you gettin’ your panties in a twist?”

I rolled my eyes and found the final one that DefinitelyNotZodiac had posted a few days ago. “Another great stay at this amazing hotel. Victor Fancy Fangs needs to give Zee more back rubs. Four stars, rounded up to five because I’m nice like that.”

“See, totally legit.” Zee folded his arms. “Definitely not me.”

Victor rubbed his forehead.

“Zee, really?” I asked.

“Ugh . . .” Zee rolled his eyes. The gesture traveled through his whole body, ending in a slouch.

“So,” I continued. “When you opened the chat about this one-star review you didn’t like, the review bot called you out. It clearly says there’ll be repercussions, and then you accepted those repercussions because you didn’t read it properly.”

He humphed and folded his arms, making the Lick me clean, Daddy top ride up. “Are you implying I somehow started all this?

“Not intentionally. But yeah, Zee. You should have left that one-star review alone. Everyone has haters. That’s the internet. You gotta let it go.”

“But they’re wrong. This hotel is amazing. I am amazing, you are amazing, Fancy Fangs is amazing, even Tom Collins is amazing. I will fight for this hotel, for you, whether that’s with a sword, my fabulous claws, or against a one-star troll who has no idea what we’ve been through to make this place safe for all Lost Ones.”

I couldn’t stop my smile. I loved him. I loved him so much it made my chest ache. Victor looked down and smiled too. He felt the same way. Our Zodiac would protect us and the hotel to the ends of the earth. He’d fight until there was no fight left in him, and then he’d fight some more. I couldn’t blame him for that.

“Go back online,” I told Zee softly. “And tell the bot you understand what you did and you’re sorry.”

Zee recoiled. “I’m not telling them I’m wrong. Our hotel is the best hotel.”

“You’re not wrong, but you should acknowledge what’s happened. I bet that’ll fix things.”

“Ugh.” He dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “Fuck my life.”

“Some humble pie won’t hurt,” Victor added.

Zee narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re enjoying this, vampire.”

“Some . . .” Victor admitted with a thin smirk.

“I’ll put you in a pie,” Zee muttered. “Vampire pie, then stab it with a kitchen knife.”