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“It wasn’t Christmas when he was born,” Victor intervened from a few steps ahead.

“Uh, yes it was.” Zee rolled his eyes at Victor’s back. “Everyone knows Gareth was born on Christmas Day. They sing a fuckin’ song about it. Aren’t you supposed to be intelligent?”

“I thought so too, but conversing with you generally reduces my IQ.”

“Because I am smarterer.”

Both Victor and I let that one slide, and Victor pushed on by adding, “At the time, Jesus had more pressing matters than fewer presents. Besides, humanity’s holiday season has grown into a time of being thankful for family and human life in general. It’s no longer reserved for a single religion. Lost Ones could learn a great deal by participating in human rituals.”

Zee side-eyed me. I shrugged. Victor knew more about humans than we did. He’d spent centuries among them. He was also right about most things.

“He’s almost as old as Gareth,” Zee mumbled.

We sauntered toward the main entrance, with Victor ahead, list in hand and basket at his side, clearly on a mission to retrieve everything we needed to smarten up the hotel for the holidays. Zee sashayed behind him, wings hidden, but still larger than life wearing an oversized pink sweater, a tiny pair of black ass-hugging shorts, fishnet tights with a snake design woven into them, and boots with soft soles, no heels. The outfit was subtle, but he still managed to make sure everyone noticed him.

We veered toward a section of plants, where Zee picked up a mug-sized spiky cactus, grinning at its provocative shape.

“Do not linger,” Victor advised, eyeing the dick-shaped cactus, then Zee’s grin. His eyebrow of judgment arched, and Zee’s grin pinched into a frown. “We have a limited amount of time and a long list of items to procure before the store closes.”

Zee headed back toward Victor, carrying the little cactus. “If your admittedly very fine, lily-white ass wasn’t terminally allergic to sunlight, we’d have more time to shop, Fancy Fangs.”

“I did offer to begin this trip earlier, at my peril,” Victor sniped back.

I’d refused to let Victor suffer in daylight just for some new hotel furniture. “We can visit for longer another time,” I told them. Our trip hadn’t started out the best. Downtown traffic had been bad, and we’d arrived later in the evening than we’d planned for. This wasn’t so much a shopping spree as a shopping mission that needed to be completed in record time.

Zee narrowed his eyes at Victor, and carefully placed the spiky cactus in the bottom of the bright yellow basket. Straightening, he grinned again and folded his arms, waiting for Victor’s comment. A few other shoppers maneuvered around the pair of them, avoiding Zee’s swishing tail.

We’d barely begun and they were already in a standoff over a tiny dick-shaped cactus. But this was how they did things. Contempt during the day, scorching shenanigans at night.

“Hey Zee, wanna see if there’s a bed big enough for three?” I suggested. It was probably best we left Victor to complete the important list, while Zee and I wandered off to browse for things we probably didn’t need.

“Why, yes I do.” He scooted around Victor, then leaned back in. “Touch my spiky dick at your own risk, Daddy Fancy Pants.” He waggled his fingers in a wave and swaggered ahead, so he didn’t see Victor’s surrendering smile.

Victor dipped his chin at me in silent thanks for distracting Zee, leaving him to get the job done. He was happier working down his list, and Zee was happier bouncing on beds. I was just happy to be out with the both of them in a location where we were unlikely to be kidnapped, shot at, or murdered.

“Wait up . . .” I hurried after Zee, and caught up just as he stopped and stared at a large arrow stuck to the floor, pointing the way.

“What’s that for?” he asked, tail lashing.

The big yellow arrow he’d avoided pointed toward the bed section up ahead, where another arrow continued to point out the suggested route. “You gotta follow the arrows so you don’t miss anything,” I told him.

He screwed up his nose. “Can’t we just amble?”

“Sure. Nobody is going to stop us. It’s just a thing these stores have, I guess. Maybe so people don’t get lost?”

“Hold up. People get lost in these places?”

“It’s real big and there aren’t any windows, so yeah . . . I guess. I mean, before they put the arrows in.”

Zee eyed the arrow again. “Were they ever found?”

“Who?”

“The lost people.”

“I dunno . . . I guess that’s why we follow the arrows.”

“Follow the arrows, right.” He straightened, and used his fingers to fluff the hair between his horns. “We have got this.”