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“Because they’re all looking at their fuck-off murder mommy being birthed out of a fucking Rembrant. Don’t you think they might notice if I shove Shareen between her sweater puppies?”
“Adam’s right.” Victor leaned in. his eyes were kind of wild, his hair too. Blood splatters painted his pale face. “We may never have another opportunity. This moment is an opportune one. I’ll distract them.”
Zee rolled his eyes. “Why’s it gotta be me?”
“You have a big sword.”
“Fine, but they are going to lose their collective leech minds, so be fucking ready.” He spun the sword in his hand, reversing its grip. “Save Victor, Zee. Lick my feet, Zee. Poke the scary vampire-bitch queen, Zee. Fuck my life.”
I’ve never once asked him to lick my feet.
Zee’s wings unfurled, purple veins aglow, lighting up the chapel and haloing him with electric static. He burned so bright in the dark, I had to squint to see him. Had he always been that bright?
The queen’s eyes swiveled and locked on to him.
Victor roared, flung himself into the first alarmed vampire, then plowed that one into the second, and the third, crashing the scrum of them through pews.
Zee flapped his wings, rising into the air.
The queen’s mouth opened. Fangs gleamed, dripping poison. She reached out a clawed hand, as though to grab at Zee.
“Suck on this, bitch!” He tucked his wings in and plunged downward with Shareen aimed forward. The sword thrust in, the queen let out a wailing scream and thrashed. But Zee wasn’t done. Like some kind of avenging horn-tipped demon god, he tore Shareen free, and with a great two-handed sweep, sliced the queen’s head clean off.
It tumbled, hit the floor, and bounced behind the altar.
Oh. I winced, and glanced around. The other vampires scrapped with Reynard and hadn’t yet noticed their queen was headless.
Zee flapped to a landing beside me. “Did you see that?!” He swung Shareen triumphantly. “Like a knife through fucking butter!”
“Yeah erm, but . . . why did you cut her head off?”
He stopped and grinned. “You said to.”
“I said stabby, stabby. Not decapitate!”
“You didn’t mean kill her?” Horror paled his face. “Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Do you think it’ll stick back on?”
We peeked around the back of the altar, where the head had already shriveled like a grape left out in the sun.
“Reynard licked his finger and stuck it back on,” Zee said. “Maybe it works with heads?”
The queen’s body had shrunk back into the picture. Without its head. “I don’t think she’s in any state to lick her own neck.”
“Shit. Fuck. Ugh.” He winced, and spun, looking around. “Maybe they won’t notice?”
“Our blessed, exalted queen!” someone shrieked.
They’d definitely noticed.
Victor picked himself up out of the scrum, flicked his hair, and gaped at the painting now depicting his headless queen.
Zee winced. “Oops?”
“Run!” Victor barked.
A vampire flew at Zee, smacked into him, and slammed him through the chapel’s rotten timber walls.
“Zee!” I yelled.
