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“Maybe they saw the gremlin-extermination guy and decided to behave?” I eyed the throbbing blob. “Or the portal did eat them?”

“Well. They have clearly vacated.” Victor put his caged gremlin down. “Shall we deposit these and catch more?”

I eyed the three cages with the three gremlins, all now quiet, their big eyes gazing at the pulsating hole.

“No, nope. I know that look.” Zee stomped over to me. “Adam Vex, this was the plan. Gremlins go in the cages, then in that hole.” He pointed at the portal. “Don’t let their cute faces get to you. They’re vicious little bastards.” He winced, folded his arms, and looked away. “Nope, stop. My mind is made up, my heart is ice. I am immovable, and not even your sad eyes can—” He peeked back. “Oh for fuck’s sake.” His wings drooped, and he sighed.

“I don’t think this is right.”

“Gah!” He flung his hands at the cages. “Then what the fuck do we with these ones? Dress them in dolls clothes and make them dance?”

That was weirdly specific. “I can’t put them in the portal when we don’t know where it goes.”

Zee dropped his head back and blinked at the ceiling. “You butchered three demons but you can’t dispatch a few gremlins?”

“That was different. Those demons were mean.”

“Gremlins are pretty fucking mean, especially when you’re taking a shower and don’t notice there’s one in there with you.” He shivered. “You don’t wanna fucking know where they attack when they can’t go for your face.”

“But Zee, gremlins are stuck here like the rest of us. This hotel is supposed to be a sanctuary for all. We can’t pick and choose who that includes.”

“So they’re fucking guests now?”

“I applaud your morals, Adam.” Victor calmly interrupted. “However, gremlins do not have the means to pay, and the hotel is not a charity. Their numbers are impacting the ability to run this hotel profitably. If nothing is done, there will not be a hotel for them to stay at.”

He was right. They were both right. I flung my hands up. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t know how to keep everyone safe. I don’t even know why I have to do this, or why I’m here, in this crazy place. I don’t really know why the wards keep getting bigger when we have sex, and I don’t know why Gideon Cain wants to kill us, other than the fact he’s clearly a horrible person, and I don’t know how to stop Daisy. I don’t know any of it.” I paused enough to breathe, and added, “But I do know, I can’t force the gremlins out. The same as I won’t force you out Victor, or you Zee. I know that.”

The pair of them fell silent until Victor said, “I’m uncertain whether I’m grateful for the affirmation or slightly alarmed to be compared to a gremlin.”

Zee pursed his lips in a pout. “We need mac and cheese.”

I was kinda hungry. I smiled at Zee and he smiled back, always knowing the absolute best thing to say. “Maybe after mac and cheese we should try and talk to the gremlins?” I suggested. “Has anyone ever tried talking to them?”

Zee huffed, clamped his wings closed, folded his arms, and sulked. “If this is coming back to Little Jimmy, then you are talking to it. No way am I going near that tiny fluttering psycho.”

“McDongle said pixies organize gremlins, so maybe Little Jimmy can help?” It was a long shot, but we were fast running out of ideas.

“Don’t come crying to Uncle Zee when Little Jimmy stabs your eyes out.”

I’d make sure there were no sharp things nearby when I did speak with Little Jimmy. If we could find him.

I caught Victor’s smile as he popped the lid on his gremlin trap. The gremlin we’d caught leaped free and darted into the bathroom to find an exit.

“Your heart is always in the right place, Adam,” Victor said softly.

My heart was the whole reason we were in this mess. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll think of something. We always do.”

The portal hummed and hovered and pulsed. Maybe the gremlins had all left because of that. “Does anyone know how to get rid of that thing?”

“I’ll look into it,” Victor said.

“Yes. Better yet, you should go into it, Fancy Pants,” Zee suggested. “Right now. I’ll watch.”

“Only fools enter a portal for which the exit is unknown.”

Zee hair-flicked and bent over to free his gremlin. “Right. Pfft. Fools do that.”

“Did he enter it?” Victor asked me.