Page 83

One lid finally lifted. “You can ask me anything, mama.”

I swallowed, but I had to know. “Tell me about Bria and Zoë. I guess… I mean… tell me why little Saadiq was conceived while you were still with Bria,” I asked quietly.

Both eyes were open suddenly and he peered down at me, those deep brown eyes measuring, trying to figure out where the question came from.

“It matters?” he asked, voice low and gravelly.

At least he had the decency to be ashamed. I sighed. “Yeah. It matters.”

He exhaled softly. “I don’t like telling this story,” he admitted.

“Because it paints you in a bad light?” I asked.

He stared down at me wordlessly, before nodding once. “Yeah, I guess it does. But that’s not what I meant exactly.”

“But you’ll tell me?”

He sat up, his arms leaving me as he pressed his back against the headboard. I missed him immediately, hated the distance. Was the story so bad? Silently, I wrapped the snowy white sheet around me, its warmth nothing like his, and waited.

“Bria and I started messing around our senior year. We’d been friends for a while, and it seemed like the inevitable thing to do,” he finally started. “It wasn’t. We did fall in love, but it didn’t come easy. Not like with…”

He stopped, his eyes tangling with mine. Neither of us touched that. I waited for him to pick up the thread of his story.

“She thought life was hard when I was in the streets, thought my going legit would fix everything. We didn’t know, didn’t understand shit. All of a sudden, I was in school and working, building my career with Masters Capital, but losing my life with her.”

He paused. “Bria… she didn’t like being alone. She wasn’t secure, wasn’t together like she is now. I got accused of every fucking thing, but I loved that girl so damn hard. My daddy had always told me never take a woman through that. He worshipped my mama until she died. I would’ve never hurt her like she accused me of…” He stopped, blinked.

I watched as he rubbed a hand over his beard and waited. It was his story; he could tell it on his time.

“I never thought I’d do that shit. Especially not after she told me she was pregnant. I had my family, I thought. Sanaa came. I was there when my baby was born, but Masters Capital was still so young. There was something Yoli couldn’t handle, something urgent. I spent the night at the hospital but left the next morning, just for a minute I said. She had to call me back. She was mad. People were there for Sanaa’s birth certificate. Since we weren’t married, I had to be there to sign. I rushed back, of course. She wasn’t alone. Another nigga was there, in her room, demanding to see ‘his’ baby. She knew I hated him, knew that nigga had wanted to bury me at one point. And she fucked him. And the little girl who I had loved from the moment I had picked her up may not have been mine.”

He laughed, but it was dry, humorless. My eyes were wide with shock.

“Saadiq,” I murmured. “Saadiq, I⁠—”

“She’s mine,” he said hurriedly. “I had her tested immediately. She’s a Masters.”

“I know, baby. It’s all over her,” I crooned, trying to rub the tension from his arm.

“One of the last things I did before I tried to get all the way out, was take care of him. I thought I wanted my family. I couldn’t be with her knowing he was around. But I was young and more than I wanted her, I wanted her to hurt.” He sighed, and I knew what was coming.

“Zoë was a mistake. My son is not. What I did… that shit ate me up. Bria was foul, but I wasn’t no kinda man to her, to be honest. Never there, didn’t listen to what she tried to tell me about her feelings, what she needed. So, even though I was mad at her, I was sick about what I had done. And finding out Zoë’s character felt like my Karma. I swear to God I had never done no shit like that before, Topaz, and I never will again. I would never hurt you like that, Apple. I⁠—”

“Shh,” I said placing a finger against his lips. “I believe you. I do.”

He looked so worried, so earnest, so sincere. I invited myself into his arms, straddling his lap. “But Saadiq, you have to understand. It’s a dealbreaker for me. I watched it almost kill my mama, and I will not deal with it. I will leave, like I left Adam.” I meant it.

“You won’t have to,” he vowed, then kissed me.

His hand cupped the side of my face as his mouth moved over mine slowly, tenderly. He kissed me like he had time. Or maybe it was like we had time. My eyes drifted closed as I let myself sink into him. His beard rasped softly against my skin, and his tongue curled around mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let myself feel the warmth of his bare chest against me, and feel the strong, reassuring beat of his heart.

He finally drew back, and let our foreheads rest together, his breath mingling with mine.

“Saadiq?”

“Hmm?”

“What happens when we go home?”