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The Faceoff

Page 120

by Tamsyn Bester

“Of course it’s a Wednesday.”

“Of course it is,” he says, and neither of us has to say the rest of it.

The rest of it is that Wednesday is ours. Wednesday is the call — the one good standing thing either of us ever got clean out of that house, the half hour a week that belonged to us and not to him — and the court has gone and set our father's arraignment down on top of it. Which is exactly how the old house always ran. The bad thing finds the good thing and pulls up a chair like it was always invited.

The movie murmurs to itself in the corner. In the kitchen, far off, in the warm life, Cash laughs at something Theo said.

A girlfriend. A year. A woman named Renata I’ve never heard of, learning the floor plan of him the hard way, the way I learned it, the way my mother learned it before she put on her good coat and didn’t come back. He found someone new to do it to. It isn’t a town I escaped, it isn’t even a man, it’s a thing he is, and it just came due on a stranger’s face on a Thursday while I was two hundred miles off letting a boy stock my shampoo.

“Okay,” I say.

“That’s it? Okay?”

“What do you want me to do with it, Danny?” My voice drops and I can’t stop it. I watch it not land on him, because he got just as quiet growing up in the same rooms, and Beau’s hand comes flat and warm against the small of my back, an anchor I don’t take. “She pressed charges. Good for Renata. That’s more than I managed at that address in eighteen years. What do you need, because you didn’t cross an ocean to read me a police report you could’ve read me on Wednesday.”

He looks at his hands. “I fly out Tuesday. Boston to Pittsburgh, then I drive the last stretch. Somebody’s got to handle him. The lawyer, the arraignment, the house — it’s mine, it’s always been mine, and I’m not handing you any of it to deal with.” He looks up, and his eyes are very tired and very young all at once. “I’m asking you to come.”

“No.”

“You wouldn’t have to see him. You wouldn’t have to go in the building. I’d sit you in a diner with a milkshake, I don’t care, I just —”

“No, Danny.”

“— don’t want to walk into that house by myself.” It comes out of him in a rush, the real thing, the thing under the thing. “I’ve done a lot of things in that house alone. I’d like to not do this one alone. That’s the whole ask.”

And that’s the knife, the one he doesn’t know he’s holding, because Danny is the one good thing I kept, the only person from back there I never taught myself to stop needing, the brother who started calling me every Wednesday the year after Mom left because somebody had to be a Wednesday for me and it was never going to be the adults. And now he’s asking me for a Wednesday in person. The worst one. And I have to look at his tired face and do the thing I do.

It’s Beau who moves first.

He shifts forward, barely, his hand still at my back, and he says it low and even, not a challenge, just a fact set on the table. “She said no, man.”

Danny’s eyes cut to him. Something goes between them, fast, two men taking each other’s measure across the person they’ve both got a hand out toward.

“I heard her,” Danny says. “I’m her brother. I get to ask once.”

“You asked.” Beau doesn’t move. “She answered.”

“Beau.” I put my hand on his knee. “It’s all right. He’s allowed.” And then, to Danny, in the true register, the quiet flat one that’s the closest thing I’ve got to mercy: “You asked. The answer’s no. I’m not going back. Not for him, not for the lawyer, not for the house, not for closure, not for whatever soft word you’ve got queued up next. I built a person who can’t be found in that town. I drive back in, I un-build her, and there’s no spare in the trunk. This is the only me I made that runs.”

Danny doesn’t argue. That’s the whole mercy of him, the part nobody who didn’t grow up in it would understand. He doesn’t argue, because he watched what it cost me to leave, because he wired me money my first two semesters out of a private’s pay and swore it was a re-enlistment bonus. He just lets it be no.

“Okay,” he says. “Okay, Sloanie. I told myself I’d ask the once. I asked.”

“You asked.”

He tips his head toward Beau. “He always this quick to step in front of you?”

“Faster, usually.” Something in me loosens a half-inch, because we’re on the other side of it now, the asking’s done. “You should see him in a real argument. He just stands there being reasonable until you forget what you were mad about.”

“She hates that,” Danny tells Beau, confiding, like I’ve left the room. “Hand to God. You give her a kind thing, she stands there holding it like it’s wired to go off.”

“Yeah,” Beau says. “I noticed.” And he doesn’t look at me when he says it, which is the only reason I don’t come apart on the couch.

“You eaten?” Beau says.

Danny looks at him like he’s switched languages.

“You flew in today. It’s gone four. You eat anything that wasn’t sealed in plastic at thirty thousand feet?”