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That would have been foolish, and I knew it. We’d only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and if I uttered those three words, he’d run in the other direction for sure. Granted, I wasn’t too thrilled about keeping our relationship — if that’s what you could call it — a secret much longer, but I was so far gone on this guy I was prepared to take him for as long as I could, in whatever way he offered. And wasn’t that just sad?

A sob bubbled up from my mouth, and I leaned against the exposed brick wall. I shut my eyes, unable to watch his retreating form any longer. It hurt too much, to think we were over, but it was an inevitability.

Unless…

The sky thundered loudly, and lightning struck its way across the night. I took that as a sign — to fight, or watch the man I loved — yes, LOVED - walk away for good. I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t be that girl, the one who was alone at the end of the movie because she was too scared to go after what she wanted.

I chased after him just as the rain started pelting down, and by the time I caught up, I was already drenched. My dress was most likely see-through, but right then it didn’t matter. I was about to expose myself in a way far more revealing than nudity.

“Wait!” I screamed to be heard above the rain. “You can’t leave!”

He turned around, equally drenched with his wet hair hanging in his face. The droplets traveled over his square jaw, and gathered in the crease of his lips. It was all such a fucking turn on, seeing his clothes clinging to him like a second skin. Man, he was beautiful. And with the backdrop of the stormy sky, alight with bolts of lightning, he made dark look…enticing.

He opened his mouth, but I couldn’t hear him. I shook my head, and he surprised me by pulling me closer by my hips. He lowered his head.

“Give me a reason to stay,” he breathed. “Give me a reason why we should keep hiding like what we’re doing is wrong.”

We were standing so close I could feel the remnants of heat coming off his body. A body that I knew as well as I knew my own. I looked into his eyes, relieved to find in their depths his willingness to fight.

“I think you should stay because…” I paused, wondering if I was doing the right thing. It was probably the dumbest thing, especially if he didn’t feel the same way.

“What?”

I rose to the balls of my feet, and used his broad, muscular shoulders for leverage so that I could bring my mouth closer to his ear.

“I said, I think you should stay because…I love you.”

And there it was. My moment of truth. The seconds ticked by, and when I stepped back, I prepared myself for a rejection, or worse, for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me speech’.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” I added quickly. God, I felt stupid now that the words were out. I mean, how could I love someone I’d only known a few months?I didn’t think it was possible, really. But I knew. I just knew.

I tried to look down, and hide my mortification, but he wasn’t having that. No, he lifted my chin, wrapped an arm around my waist and lifted me up so that we were eye level. His mouth slanted over mine, gentle at first before growing more insistent, and more heated. It was still pouring, both of us soaked, but his kiss, and the way he held me, chased away the wet chill. It was perfect, kissing in the rain like we had all the time in the world. And right then it felt like we did.

He pulled away, but only slightly. My heart stuttered at the expression on his face, and when he spoke, it flat out stopped.

“Thank God, because I love you too.”

I kissed him again, slowly, and when we broke apart a second time, his brows were furrowed.

“What?”

His lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what he’d said. I thought it was, ‘Come back to me’.

I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear drop fell onto the page and smudged the ink. I touched my cheek, wiping away more tears, and shook my head in bafflement. I didn’t know why I was crying, and more unsettling was not knowing exactly where the words on the page had come from. I searched my mind for answers, but the harder I tried, the foggier it became. I read the words again, but stopped half way because the heaviness weighing down on my chest was too much. I was emotional, that much was obvious, but what didn’t make sense was why. The “he” I was writing about had no face, no name, but he felt real to me, his words felt real to me. And scarier still was that my words also felt real, as if I’d really said them. So what did it mean? Did it mean anything at all?

I didn’t know, but by chance, I was going to find out.

TWO WEEKS LATER and my last journal entry was still bothering me. That much became obvious when writing in my journal became more frustrating than relaxing. I’d open a blank page, pen at the ready, but then I’d be flipping to the previous entry and getting lost in those words, rather than focusing on getting out the words floating around in my head. Maddy noticed my annoyance, but I brushed her off hoping that whatever was going on with me would pass.

I wasn’t so lucky.

I was sitting at a coffee shop with Alex, still fixating on that stupid journal entry. It was a gorgeous Sunday morning, and when Alex invited me to breakfast Maddy practically shoved me out the door. I’d seen Alex a few times since our first ‘date’. Most of the time it was at the hospital doing Kangaroo Care, and on the days I didn’t get to see him he called me before I went to bed. I liked him, a lot, but I could feel myself hesitating and the last thing I wanted was for him to feel like I was pulling away.

“Are you okay, babe?”

My gaze whipped back to Alex. I’d been staring out of the coffee shop window, lost in my own thoughts while he was talking.

“Huh?”