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Mr. Halifax preoccupied every second of every minute of every day of my thoughts. He was worth all my time. I think it was more that I wasn’t worth his.

I rested my head on my dad’s shoulder. I wanted to be able to let this go. But I didn’t know how. Not when I could see our future so clearly.

My one track mind didn’t usually get me in trouble. But I felt like I was pressing down hard on the gas heading toward a cliff. What if Mr. Halifax meant everything to me, but I meant nothing to him? How was I supposed to survive this crash?

“What are we watching?” RJ asked as he walked into the room. He sat down next to me, the same concern on his face that my dad had a few minutes ago.

I think everyone could tell I was slowly drowning. I just wish I knew how to stop.

“I didn’t know you were home too,” my dad said. “Daphne!” he called. “Get your fine ass in here, it’s a family movie night!”

My mom laughed and walked into the living room with her stack of papers.

My dad shook his head. “Uh uh. Those can wait.” He patted the spot beside him on the couch.

She dropped the papers on the coffee table and sat down next to him. He kept one arm around my shoulders and wrapped the other around hers.

“I got my girls and my mini me.” He put his foot out and lightly kicked RJ’s foot. “This is the best night ever. We should do this more often. What about every Friday?”

He must have really thought I was in a bad way if he thought I’d never have plans on a Friday night ever again. Hopefully I’d be fully booked soon. It just so happened that my backup plan didn’t kick in until tomorrow night. That’s the only reason I was sitting here wallowing. I’d never been very patient and never been very good at sitting still.

“We’re only home tonight because we have a bye week,” RJ said. “And it’s too cold for a toga.”

I stared at him. What toga party had he been invited to? And why the heck hadn’t I been invited?

My dad laughed. “It is a little cold for that. But if you pregame beforehand, you’ll be plenty warm.”

“Stop giving our kids terrible advice,” my mom said.

“It’s great advice.”

I laughed.

My mom sighed. “Does anyone want a snack? I think I can whip us up some of those little pizza bagels we all love.”

“Not the wheat bagels though,” RJ said.

“With sausage?” I asked.

“What kind of sauce is it?” RJ asked. “I don’t like that weird one with the extra garlic.”

“Me either,” I said. “And can we do a little parmesan on top?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” RJ said. “But only if it’s shaved parmesan. None of that small flaky nonsense.”

“We want to be able to really taste it.”

“So...extra parmesan?” my mom asked.

“No, not extra,” RJ said. “Just the normal amount.”

My mom nodded. “Rob?” she asked my dad. “Any special requests?”

“I think that’s enough requests for twelve meals. You know I’m fine with whatever my picky little goblins want.” He kissed the top of my head.

I smiled. It had been a while since he’d called us that.

Half an hour later we were all eating the best pizza bagels on the planet and laughing at the movie. I wanted to be able to get lost in this moment like the rest of my family. But my mind kept gravitating to Mr. Halifax.