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“Morning. I have a headache from crying so much last night.” She brings a hand to her forehead and winces.

“Do you want me to grab you something for it?”

“No, just stay here with me a little longer.”

“All right.” I trail my hand through her hair, and we’re both content to lie there like that in silence, with only our thoughts. Eventually, I ask, “How are you?”

She takes a moment before answering. “Shocked, I guess. I mean, on some level I think I already knew that he was having an affair, so I was somewhat prepared for that, but a baby… I didn’t see that coming.” Her eyes glisten.

I take the hand that’s resting on my chest and bring it to my mouth, kissing her knuckles. “I’m sorry, Collins. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I⁠—”

She pulls her hand from mine and presses her finger over my lips. “I know, Ansel. I know you didn’t know.” Then she rolls away from me and shifts so that her back is to the headboard. “There’s something you should know.”

My forehead wrinkles. “Collins, I think your reaction was how most would react to the news.”

“Maybe, but there’s something I don’t think you’re aware of.” She pauses and swallows. “Caleb and I were trying to have a baby when he died.”

Bile races up my throat, and I have to swallow it back as I move into a seated position. “What?”

She nods. “That’s why it hit especially hard. To know that he was having a baby with someone else when we’d been unsuccessful ourselves.”

“He never told me.” I take her hand.

“It wasn’t going well, so we decided not to tell anyone until I got pregnant, which obviously never happened. We’d been trying for a couple of years with no luck. Right before he died, we were discussing the possibility of going to see a fertility doctor to look into what the issue might be. I assumed something was wrong with me.”

Fucking Caleb. I can’t believe he’d do this to her.

“You don’t know that, Collins.”

Tears fill her eyes again. “Then explain why I didn’t get pregnant, and she did.”

The worst part is that I can’t.

“It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be a mother, Collins. It could be something that’s easily solved.” I run my thumb over her knuckles.

She nods. “I know. I’m trying not to jump to conclusions. But it makes me feel physically ill to think of him fathering a child with another woman.”

“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now.”

“Angry, hurt, confused, betrayed—you name it.” She lets out a chuckle that holds absolutely no humor.

“I’m pissed at him too.”

She nods.

“I can’t fucking believe he did this to you. That he would be so irresponsible with your feelings in the first place, then even more so to get his mistress pregnant. I know you said that you were feeling lonely in your marriage before Caleb died, but there’s no excuse for this.”

Collins visibly flinches, and I regret my outburst instantly.

I squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

She shakes her head. “No, you’re right. I feel the same way.”

We’re quiet for a moment, and I consider whether I should bring up what’s on my mind, but I think it’s best to clear the air. After what she found out last night, I don’t want her confused about my feelings for her.

“About last night…”

Collins raises her hand. “You were right to stop me. If we had slept together, I would’ve been doing it to get back at Caleb, and that’s not how I want to be with you for the first time.”