Page 94

They’ll hear from everyone in the house about the argument last night between Danny and Luke, about how they heard Danny shouting at someone on the beach. Then half of Rhodes will come forward to mention Luke defending me after the pastor’s funeral.

Luke, who was out on the beach last night for hours, with no alibi. Luke, whose surfboard is the only evidence they have. Even if they can’t pin it on him, he’ll lose his sponsors for sure.

“Grady,” I plead, “you know Luke would never do this. Please don’t tell anyone about my conversation with Danny. He was being…irrational. He sensed we were drifting apart and he was saying all kinds of crazy stuff.”

“Danny wasn’t crazy, and don’t you dare try to imply he was. The only thing that was crazy was that he didn’t see it sooner. I kept telling him and he wouldn’t listen.”

Oh, God. What has Grady been saying and for how long? And why did Danny never ask me? Why didn’t he just end things?

If he’d ended it, if he’d never met me at all, he might be with someone like Libby by now. Someone who’d love to be a missionary’s wife. And Luke…he’d be unblemished. All his altercations, prior to me, were as a juvenile. Ancient history. He’d be surfing, accruing sponsorships, sleeping with a different bikini-clad girl every night.

Maybe I’m just as poisonous as my mother said. Maybe I’ve ruined people’s lives—my brother’s, Danny’s, Donna’s. But I refuse to add Luke to that number.

“Tell me what to do,” I beg. “You know Luke wouldn’t have done this, but he’s got a record. Even if it comes to nothing, he’ll have lost all his sponsors by the time it’s done. This is going to ruin his life.”

He scoffs. “Look how fast your tears dry when we start talking about Luke.”

I want to apologize. I want to grovel. I want to say anything that will convince him to help. But I’m making this worse every time I open my mouth.

“Grady, Danny even said something about making the jump if he had Luke’s board. You heard him. Punish me all you want, but you know Luke didn’t do this. Don’t tell the cops Danny saw me with him.”

He stares at me, pale, dry-eyed, and calculating.

“I want you gone,” he says at last. “If you want me to keep all this to myself, I want you out of Rhodes. Permanently. And don’t think for a moment I’m going to let you walk into the sunset with Luke after everything you’ve done. You leave, and you cut off all contact with him.”

I can’t. It will hurt Donna and Luke, but it will kill me.

“Grady, I’m not going to say anything about last night—”

“Last night didn’t happen, do you understand? Imply otherwise, ever, and I will ruin you and Luke both. I just want you gone.”

“How am I going to explain that to them?” I ask, my voice breaking. “They’ll be so hurt.”

“What would hurt Donna more? You leaving or her finding out you’re the reason Danny’s dead?” His mouth presses tight. “As for Luke, just tell him you can’t look at him without seeing Danny’s face. If you were a better person, it would probably be true.”

* * *

The search and rescue team arrives, and when I start to call Donna, I’m crying too hard to get through it. Beck takes the phone and tells her what’s happened.

The police ask us to follow them to the station. I’d normally ride with Luke, but suddenly every step I make seems suspicious. Will they wonder why I woke Luke first? Will they make something of the fact that I rode with him to the station? Will they see what now, out of nowhere, seems completely clear to me: that I was with Danny, but Luke is the one I’ve been leaning on. That I was marrying Danny, but Luke’s the one I told things to and turned to when I was upset, again and fucking again.

So, I ask Harrison to take me instead, ignoring the confusion on Luke’s face as he watches me head toward the BMW. At the last minute, though, I turn and walk over to where Luke stands. He’s so fucking honest—so unexpectedly, unnervingly, unreasonably honest.

I need him not to be, today.

“Don’t tell them anything about us,” I whisper. “Don’t tell them you liked me. Don’t tell them about our conversation last night. Just don’t…drag me into this.” By which I mean don’t drag yourself into this, but I can’t say it. He has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, but he will preserve me, and today I’m using that to its full advantage.

“Okay,” he says. There’s a flare of hurt in his eyes, a clench of a muscle in his jaw. Good. Be hurt and confused, Luke. It’ll just make it easier for you to believe I want nothing to do with you once this is through.

I press a hand to the ache in my chest at the thought.

I don’t know how I’ll stand to do it.

* * *

When we arrive at the station, they tell us Danny’s body was found. Luke’s leash was around his ankle.

I sink into a black padded chair, my legs shaking too badly to hold me up. I knew it already, but it’s different, hearing it confirmed. I bury my face in my hands, telling myself to wake up.