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“I should have given you a chance to explain it,” she says. “This might have escaped your attention, but I’m a little messed up.”

I smile against her mouth. “You hid it so well.” But inside I think Not messed up. Resilient. She’s a tiny fighter and I love that about her. I love everything about her, the bad and the good. I want to tell her this, and tell about that bleak moment when I was certain I was going to die, and she was the only thing in my head. I want to make her a thousand promises and then go somewhere with her alone.

But it’ll have to wait, I guess. I owe a few people apologies, after all.

I hold onto her and turn back to face my family. My dad is at the front door where he—and a security guard—are holding my brother back, while my mother walks toward us.

There were times when I hoped maybe she knew, and was trying to push us together—by insisting on lunch in the hotel Drew was staying in, for instance. But there is pure shock on her face right now. Apparently, she didn’t have a clue.

“Mom,” I tell her, “I’m sorry. I love her. I just couldn’t help it. I’ll work things out with Joel eventually.”

There are tears in her eyes and then she smiles. “That’s okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around us both. “I knew she was meant to be part of our family. We’ll figure it out.”

A small sob comes from Drew and I know my mother’s words have hit her hard. I pull her even closer and press my lips against her hair. Family. I’m going to do my best to give her everything she’s never had before, but I’m glad my mom is still with us to give her this too.

* * *

The bullet was removed by a medic in Somalia, but I still have to get my wound checked out before I’m free to leave. My family stays in the lobby, while I wait to be seen in an examining room. I bring Drew with me, of course, because her presence here still feels too good to be true.

I sit on the examination table while she takes the only chair, and we discuss the past day. She tells me about their trip here, about some unfounded rumor that an American had died. I offer her as few details about what happened as I can. I still have to go back, after all. She doesn’t need to know how close I came to not making it out alive.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” she finally asks. “I mean, with us.”

I laugh. “Are you really asking me that? I just got everything I wanted, and my mother was fine with it.”

“Your brother isn’t. Sabine wasn’t either.”

My brow furrows. “Sabine? The nurse?”

She grins. “Are you serious? She just ran across the lobby to hug you. She was sitting next to you when I showed up in the canteen. You cannot possibly be surprised by this.”

“Surprised by what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She stands up and starts to cross the room and I ward her off. “Drew, you swore you’d remain in your chair.”

She kisses me once, closed mouth, and returns to her seat. “That’s all I wanted. I wasn’t planning to blow you.”

I groan. “I think you have no idea how little it takes to excite me.” I’m wearing scrubs, for God’s sake. This doctor is gonna walk in at any moment and see way more of my anatomy than I’m interested in sharing.

“I’ll talk about my feelings,” she says. “That kills any erection.”

I grin. “Don’t be so certain about that. I’ve been waiting a very long time to hear about your feelings.”

The doctor checks out my shoulder and prescribes some painkillers and a lot of rest, though he’s clearly aware, having seen Drew, that I have no intention of resting. “Do your best, anyway,” he concludes. I’m given scrubs and hospital slippers, and then Drew and I walk out hand-in-hand to find my parents waiting in the lobby. Joel is gone, and it worries me only because I’m sure it worries my mom. At the moment, however, she’s so delighted about Drew and me that nothing can touch her.

My dad suggests we all go to dinner, but my mom looks at our linked fingers and suggests we meet up tomorrow. My father is complaining about this as they walk away—We flew all night to see him—but she waves him off.

“I want grandchildren,” she replies. “Let’s not get in their way.”

Drew hears it and laughs. “I think your mom might be getting ahead of herself.”

I picture Drew pregnant, and I picture the child we might have. I smile and tug her closer. I’m not sure my mom is all that far ahead of herself, but I’ll take baby steps for now.

49

DREW

When we get to the hotel—Ben somehow arranged this too—I help him remove the shirt over his bandaged shoulder. Standing there shirtless, scrubs hanging low around his waist, he looks so good I can hardly bear not to touch him.