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“You know that’s not fair,” I told her.

“Oh, it’s fair. You just don’t want to hear it.”

I sat up and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.

“I’m not finna sit here and act like I don’t have responsibilities ‘cause you want more time. My family is dealin’ wit’ shit. My business just took a hit and I’m still trying to figure out who killed my brother. You knew I wasn’t some nine-to-five nigga when you met me.”

“Your family looked fine to me the other night.”

“So, you think some annual shit makes shit better.”

“You know, Shameek. Every time I say I need more time with you, you throw the family shit up in my face. Yes, I know how you make your money. I just thought eventually I would become important enough for you to slow down.”

She never saw how I adjusted for her. I had slowed down if you asked me. I had spent money to make shit right. Changed plans for her ass and stayed over when I had things to handle. It’s been times I let calls go unanswered just to keep the peace.

“I don’t kno’ what the fuck else you want from me, Nikki. I’m not changin’ who I am to prove I love you. If you need a nigga that comes home every night at six, eats dinner at the table, and spends weekends planted on the fuckin’ sofa, I’m not him. And I’ll never pretend to be.”

She stared at me for a long time before looking away.

“I’m not asking you to become somebody else. I’m asking you to stop making me feel like I’m always waiting for my turn.”

I knew what she meant, but my mind was betraying me, and I wasn’t into the conversation anymore. Kyenna was on my mind again. The way she looked at me after, like she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to slap me or pull me back between her legs. My phone was sitting on the coffee table, and I was fighting the urge to grab it all evening. All I wanted to do was send one text to see where her head was since she had been avoiding me. Nikki followed my eyes.

“You waiting on somebody to call or something?”

“What?”

“You keep looking at your phone like you’re expecting something.”

“I always look at my phone. That shit could be business.”

“Could be,” she said with an attitude.

“Fuck that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. You’re distracted. I’m not stupid enough to sit here pretending I don’t notice when a man I’ve been dealing with for years is physically beside me and mentally somewhere else.”

I stood up. “See, this is what I wasn’t tryin’ to do tonight. I came over here to spend time wit’ you and now we arguin’ ‘cause I’m not performin’ enough happiness for you.”

Nikki stood up, too.

“You’re looking for an excuse to leave.”

“I’d rather leave than say somethin’ out of anger that I can’t take back.”

Nikki laughed. “Go ahead.”

I stood there for a second. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Do whatever you want.”

I walked out before the argument could grow another head. The second I got in my truck, my hand went straight to my phone. Kyenna’s name was right there.

“Man, fuck this.” I threw the phone in the cup holder and headed home.

I needed to go home, smoke something, and get my head straight. Nikki had a valid point, and I was moving funny since I started sneaking around with Kyenna. Every time we were alone, we crossed the line a little more each time. It was probably best we stayed away from each other. Kyenna was more than likely thinking the feelings between us would die down if we avoided each other. That was easier said than done. My mind was on her the whole ride home until I pulled in the main gate and got close to my parents’ house and saw her and my mama outside talking. What I should’ve done was ride by. Instead, I pulled my ass up the long driveway. As soon as she saw my car, her smile disappeared. I didn’t know what the fuck that was about.

“Everything cool?” I asked them, stepping out the truck.