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My Stupid Ass Ex: Hello?

My Stupid Ass Ex: So… you forgot how to use your fingers all of a sudden?

My Stupid Ass Ex: Who are you with, Syren?

In my mind, it’s a must to respond. I know him too well. If I don’t this time, it will only continue to get worse.

Me: Why the fuck are you harassing me?

My Stupid Ass Ex: I’m not. I was just driving past and saw your car out.

Me: Makai, please find some business. A bitch has to eat, right?

My Stupid Ass Ex: Make sure you’re eating alone.

Me: Make sure you do like your mother and eat a dick, Makai. Bye.

“Boyfriend?” I hear Morgan ask, sipping at her coffee again. She’s been watching me this entire time. Embarrassment instantly rushes down my spine, causing me to slide my phone in my purse and never to check it again.

“Ex-boyfriend,” I emphasize, rolling my eyes, “A very shitty one at that.”

“I know a little thing about shitty exes, so I get it. Do you still have feelings for him?”

“Um, nah. Nothing like that,” I’m riddled with shame, “And I’m sorry. That was rude of me to even be texting him.”

She waves off my apology, “It’s alright, girl. I’m not here to judge by any means. Hell, I check my phone a lot too. My husband says it’s my worst habit. I just wanted to make sure everything is alright.”

“Oh, of course. Everything is cool,” I move my legs closer to hers under the table, “Especially with you here.”

“Well, good,” her tone quickly switches, “Now if I order some Mimosas, would you drink one with me?”

“Gladly.”

“Bet.”

Morgan doesn’t hesitate in calling over the waitress, ordering a thing of Champagne and Cranberry juice as we wait for our food to arrive. Her kindness is instantly noticeable. She says and does everything with a smile. As if life couldn’t be any better for her. I crave being that happy in life again.

“So, Syren…” “So, Morgan…”

“Since we’re asking questions. What are some things about you that I should know?”

“In life…or in the bedroom?”

She cackles her way into a more serious expression, “Hmm, the bedroom. What have you done? What are your experiences? If you don’t mind me asking.”

The gloves are officially off now.

“Whew. To be honest, girl, not a whole lot.” Her eyes expand in shock, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I mean, outside of that little three way I mentioned yesterday. Plus, another threesome. If you want to call it that. It really wasn’t the best experience.”

“Why so?”

“Well, let’s see,” I bring my hands together as if I’m preparing to deliver a sermon, “The girl smelt like dead trout. The guy smelt like he was scared of putting a washcloth in his ass. Both of them were unsatisfying. I’m also pretty sure one of them stole the hand sanitizers out of my bag before they left. Why? I’ll never know. So, it doesn’t count.”

Morgan almost chokes on her food, fighting not to laugh.

“Damn. Well, honesty is definitely key,” she struggles to say, wiping her lips, “Don’t feel ashamed though. Some experiences are meant to teach, not treat.”