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“So? I want to kiss these lips every chance I get.”

I wish that were the truth in every of our lifetimes.

“Okay guys, what are we doing after this? I don’t wanna go home,” Chloe whined.

I glanced between the two of them, my almost-boyfriend and my best friend, and I wished I could freeze the moment.

Goosebumps ran free along my arms and a chill zapped down my spine. My thoughts meandered to Kane. What was he doing? Was he making wishes about new people he met? If I had held onto Ash and Chloe hard enough, would I never lose them?

“Let’s do dinner,” I offered.

“Luna’s?” Chloe chimed in, jumping in place. I agreed, and we walked there, all three sliding into a well-fitted groove. No grinding gears or push and pull. It was all easy.

We talked about graduation, about leaving the only place we’d ever felt comfortable in, about everything and nothing.

The day after our eighteenth birthdays, we had all gotten tattoos as a sign of our closeness. Chloe, a wolf; Ash, a skull and bones—lazy bones was my nickname for him—and me, a small round bird.

“Do you think we’ll forget each other?” Ash had asked. I was sitting next to him and remembered the distinct way his tongue had glossed over the question.

“Never,” I said. My brain didn’t allow me to forget. I remembered every millisecond, frame by frame, of every moment. I was an archivist in my own right.

“We’re flying away from here in a few months,” Ash reminded me. It was then, in the soft dip of his voice that I knew Ash Valen and I would not last a new transition. Devil’s Bay had been too ingrained within Ash’s blood. He was of its sea and earth.

Chloe went quiet.

“We didn’t even get accepted yet,” I joked.

“Promise me,” Chloe said with urgency. “No matter what—we come back here.”

“We won’t forget each other,” I said. “You can always visit,” I added. “My dad’s getting us an apartment.”

That seemed to steady her nerves, or was it mine?

That night I lay awake, staring at the ceiling as the room tilted and blurred. I dreamt of warm brown eyes and gentle kisses beneath our secret tree but then the eyes darkened furiously and carried a storm, hands at my throat and a kiss that burned. My mind flickered like a carousel of photos. Ash, warm and sunny. Kane, imperious and volatile. Their faces blurred until I couldn’t tell where they ended and I began. The dream turned violent. It spoke of fire and death, unspeakable atrocities. I woke that night with my heart racing, unease burrowing deep within my chest.

Something was coming, and it did.

THIRTY-EIGHT

December 2002

That year the holidays arrived angrily. My mother had drunk herself through two bottles of wine before noon nearly everyday and nothing seemed right no matter what I did.

The Wren household glittered in lights that felt too bright for its old bones. Ash and I had wrestled a ten-foot tree into the living room, far too overgrown for the house and had scraped noisily against the wood-paneled thresholds. I had insisted on it, stubborn about making sure we infused cheer wherever we could because if it was on the outside maybe I could make up for the lack of it inside me. By the end of our decorating spree, we had wrapped the house ten times over with colorful tinsel and colored lights. It was a false cheer. Everything glowed, but the light felt too thin.

But I was happy. Until we had an unexpected visitor.

Kane returned a few days before Christmas. The last time I’d seen him was the day of graduation when he’d so easily left me behind. He arrived broodier than I remembered, more reserved. And he didn’t come alone. With him came a girl who looked like she belonged to another world entirely. I didn’t know what to think of this girl with honeyed eyes, warm skin and sharp features that made her seem more like a pixie than human. I bristled at her energy. But I was to be kind to her.

They had walked through the door with such familiarity with one another, I dared not to look.

I hadn’t spoken to Kane since his arrival. Only sharing cold looks passed between one another like knives. I had eventually spoken to the girl though. Daisy. She was disarmingly kind and I hated myself for liking her immediately.

Later, I would find that I had been right to feel perturbed by her indulgence.

The morning of Christmas Eve, Ash and I were tired after running countless laps of keeping the festivities alive, so we sat, with him leaning against a wall and me curled like a cat before him.

“We need more coffee,” I muttered helplessly to Ash, who was oblivious to the feelings I had been untangling in my heart. I always wondered if he had any secrets hidden in his heart. We never shared anything, never discussed anything beyond our surface level attraction. A part of me knew that we were both keeping secrets caged.