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“And she will, happily.” He winks and rounds the car to the driver’s side. “What are you in the mood for?” He asks when he gets in.
“Something that I can keep down. Something that doesn’t give me heartburn.”
“Let’s go to the diner and get you some soup.”
The air around Sin has changed since the ultrasound. I can already feel the lightness around him. His eyes crinkle with smile lines. Something I’m not used to seeing, but looks so damn good on him. He taps his thumb on the steering wheel as he bites his lip and bobs his head to the music that floats through the car. “You’re different.” I say making him glance my way.
“I think I am.” he agrees.
“Why?”
He twists his head, catching me in his gaze. “I think I’m finally seeing.”
“Well, I’m glad, it’s about time you’re finally seeing things how they should be.”
“You know, sugar, you say that I’ve saved you, but I think I can say that you being here is saving me more a little every day.” I give him a sly smirk. “What?” He asks glancing back and me and then the road.
“I knew I’d grow on you.” I throw my head back and laugh.
A genuine grin spread across his face. It’s breathtaking. His eyes shine. “Oh did you know?”
“Yep.” I look out the window before my emotions get the better of me. I don’t want to ruin this moment with the things I want to say or push him when he’s come so far. I fear if I tell him too much then he’ll retreat from me.
“Savannah, I’m going to try.” His face is serious now. “I’m going to try for you and for her.” He nods to my stomach. “I’m not convinced I’m the best choice, but I know I’m the only option. I’ve seen so much in my life, I’ve taken so much and I’ve blamed myself for so much that I never felt I was deserving of anything good. Now, deserving or not, I’m taking it. I’m taking all the good I can get and I’m making it mine. One way or another, I’m making you and that baby mine. You’re just going to have to be patient with me.”
I’m more than serious about Savannah and whatever it is that’s transpired between us. This has been building up between us since the moment I found her. I’ve foolishly spent most of the time pushing her away. I had no idea how I would feel when I walked into the appointment today. The only thing I knew was when Cut told me I should be with my girl; there wasn’t a need to say he was wrong. Even when I told him we were just friends, he knew I was full of shit. So did I.
Listening to Kara spew her venom to Savannah ignited something in me that I haven’t felt for a long time. It’s more than the need to protect her from that bitch, it’s the need to protect her from any danger that I felt was coming her way. Savannah is so much better than Kara, and Kara knows it. Things are going to change when it comes to The Fallen and Savannah. Either they get in line when it comes to my girls or they need to pound salt because no one is going to disrespect her. No one. “What are you thinking about?” Her voice pulls me from my thoughts. I glance up to see apprehension mar her face. I reach across the table and take her hand in mine.
“Just thinking about the club and how things are going to need to change.”
“Nothing about the visit or anything that we shared in the car?” She takes a drink of her water and I notice there’s a slight shake in her hand. She’s scared about something.
“Are you worried about that, sugar?” Her eyes fall to her lap, and she slips her hand from mine. She brushes her hair behind her ear. “Savannah, are you having second thoughts?”
“I’m not sure what thoughts to have actually. I’m worried. I’m scared.”
I know she has every right to be concerned and possibly not trust my motives. I’ve been like night and day when it comes to her. I’ve kissed her and then I’ve pulled away. I spend my days distancing myself from her. Us for that matter, but in the stillness of the night, I’m different. I spend my nights talking and sharing with her more than I’ve ever shared with anyone, other than my sister. I get what she’s scared of. It’s not just her heart that’s on the line. It’s the life of the baby that’s growing inside of her. It’s her need to think of the future of her child and what’s best for her. What she doesn’t know, blood or not, that baby is mine and I intend to make sure she knows I’m her daddy and no one else. The moment I saw her safe and secure in Savannah’s stomach, it was essential for me to let that baby girl know I’m the man she’s going to count on.
“I meant what I said in the car. I have every intention to stay true to my word. There’s no going back for me.” Jesus, it never occurred to me that maybe she isn’t on the same page. I chuckle to myself.
“What?”
“I just never realized that after everything I told you in the car, you never really said anything. I’m sitting here spouting off about what I want and what I intend to make happen and never once have you told me what you wanted. What do you want, sugar?”
“It’s crazy in all these years, I’m not sure I’ve been asked that question.” She smiles at me. I watch her eyes as she takes in the diner we’re at. The people are milling around, regulars sit at the counter, sipping their coffees. “For so long I’ve hated to think about the future. There wasn’t anything in it for me. Nothing to look forward to, and I know that’s my fault. I’ve lived the past four years in a lie. My life looked perfect on the outside. No one knew the hell it was being in it. That was me for so long.” Her words hit home, more than I think she knows. “I’m tired of being the perfect person on the outside only to be dying on the inside. That was me for these past few years, slowing dying on the inside and I can’t have that anymore. There’s too much at stake.” She casts her gaze downward. “I want happiness and I want it with the person who wants me for me.”
“I understand that. You should have that.” I swallow, not knowing where she’s going with this.
“Stability, that’s what I want. Happiness is something that I deserve, but more of all, I need passion.” The last words through me for a loop. “You told me that you’re going to be here for me, for the baby, but in what capacity? As my friend? Do you see us doing this as partners? Because I’ve spent the last four years, just existing for someone else and I can’t do that anymore. I don’t want that anymore.”
“I told you that I need your patience.”
“Yes, you did. But what am I being patient for? For a dream of something that I’m never going to have?”
“A dream?”
“Yes, Matthew, a dream. A dream of you and me being together. Do know how many nights I’ve laid awake wondering what it would be like to be loved by you? If you so wholeheartedly give yourself to those you care for, I can only imagine how fiercely you love.”