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PMOS is a hormonal issue that affects the ovaries, but it can also impact other parts of the body. Essentially, the body doesn’t make enough of the hormone needed to ovulate, and when ovulation doesn’t happen, small cysts form on the ovaries. These cysts produce androgens, which are normally found in men. Women have them in small amounts, but when you have PMOS, you wind up with an abundance.
It causes problems with my periods, weight gain, oily skin, and infertility. There are other, more serious symptoms, as well, like thinning hair or extra hair, and a much higher chance of ovarian cancer.
Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any of that, but my periods are a hot mess. Sometimes, I’ll go six months without one. Then I’ll get one that lasts for four or five weeks. And I bleed heavily, which is so uncomfortable.
I’ve managed my symptoms for a long time with birth control pills, but once I decided to get pregnant, I stopped taking them several months ago.
And the disease has wreaked havoc on my body ever since.
My OBGYN said she’ll do everything she can to help me, but there are things I should be doing too.
Like working out and eating healthier.
I try but it’s hard to find time to exercise when I work so many hours. It’s equally hard to take the time to make healthy meals. I’m better than I used to be but I know I have to keep working on it.
Maybe now that I have someone like Rage in my life, I’ll have the motivation I haven’t had in the past. Of course, watching him eat this morning, I don’t think he’ll be helpful in that regard. Everyone here eats a lot. All the time. I kind of hate them—they eat whatever they want and still stay slim. Yes, they work out, but I’ve worked out on and off for most of my life and I rarely lose more than five pounds.
I’d like to be in better shape before I get pregnant.
Suddenly, I have an idea.
Maybe Rage could teach me to fight.
Not the kind of fighting he does, but the kind that helps you work up a sweat and get stronger. After what happened to Allora, getting kidnapped and almost sex trafficked, we’ve discussed self-defense classes, but this would be more than that. Something Rage and I could share.
Beyond sex.
And a kid.
I don’t know if he’d be willing but I’ll ask. It can’t hurt and maybe it will help us get to know each other better in a way that has nothing to do with work, procreating, or even parenting.
Just two people sharing something important to both—he loves to fight and I need to learn how for myriad reasons.
Hopefully, I won’t make a fool of myself in the process.
Chapter Ten
Rage
Between the new baby and all of us pitching in to pick up the slack for Daniil and Courtney, I haven’t had much time to think about Luna and everything we talked about. Much to my frustration, I’m not thinking about it much today either, because a group of us just left the beach.
Metal had Layla’s remains cremated and he said she loved the beach, so he spread her ashes there. It was hard to know what to say or do, because Metal is devastated on multiple levels. She lied to him about the baby being his, broke things off, and then apparently killed herself.
Then he told us that he doesn’t believe she killed herself.
We’ve been talking about it amongst ourselves but it’s hard to know what was going on with her. Allora knew her best and even she says it doesn’t make sense, because Metal told her he didn’t care that the baby wasn’t his. He knew it was possible but they were hopeful. Then she admitted she’d lied about how far along she was, that she was nearly a month more pregnant than she told him.
“He told her it was okay,” Allora says when we get back to headquarters. “He said he didn’t mind because the baby is what got them together.”
“If we take everything we know as fact,” Grim says cautiously. “Then suicide doesn’t make sense.”
“Except she was an addict,” I interject quietly. “And we all know how strong the pull of addiction is.”
“She was clean,” Allora says firmly. “And she said it was the first time in her life she didn’t feel the need to get high. That Metal and the baby were more important than anything else.”
“Okay, so going back to the idea that all of this is factual, what does it mean? Did someone kill her? Force her to shoot up? The tox screen they did showed a heroin overdose. So, how could that have happened?”
No one says anything because it’s impossible to know what happened and conjecture isn’t productive at this point. Deep down, I think we all know the truth but Metal is looking for answers where there may not be any. The only thing that gives me pause is Allora’s take.
