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Grandfather told me words only go so far. Proof gets you the eyes and ears of the table.

“I have no reason to lie.”

“Yes, you do.” He shakes his finger at me and moves around the table, hovering over me as he berates me like a child. “You want my place. You always wanted it.”

My people stay back because I asked them to. They’re not to get involved unless blood is drawn.

I stand because my anger forbids me to sit still. “I wanted to belong!” I scream to the room. My emotions, which I have till now kept in check, are riding high. The one thing I was told time and time again was to not remind the men before me that I was a woman. That I have feelings. That I care.

But I am. I’m all those things and none, having been molded and twisted into whatever this thing is before them. Unable to love but begging for it all at once. Terrified to be alone but strong enough to handle it. Wanting death but choosing life despite the darkness that creeps in and compels me to go to it with ease. So much ease.

Giving in is the weakness in me. Lying on the ground and letting it happen. Letting those around me dictate my life. Watching my mother crumble, knowing she fell because of those before me. I don’t have the proof, not now, but I know I will if I choose to find it. And a part of me wants to. Wants to learn about all the acts that were conducted against me and find those responsible so I can bathe in their blood.

But another part wants to forget. To ignore the past, use the pain I have, not gain more, and find a future. It’s a small part. One that says that a life alone is cold and scary, but a life with someone, with Atom, is possible.

A small part that gets swallowed up by my need for bloodlust and revenge. Something I have only ever felt when I was in the ring. When I took a punch to my face and then hit back, over and over till I was spent. Sure, I got knocked down, but the feeling it brought me with each hit, each moment I saw blood fly from my opponent’s mouth, no joy could be described better. No glee could overpower those moments.

“I only sought comfort in my mother. A mother who was taken from me and replaced by a woman who detested my very name. She and her daughter treated me so poorly for nothing more than being in the same room as them. And when I was taken, each time I was taken, never once was I thought of first.”

I see Atom flinch out of the corner of my eye and consider how much of that is true for even the last time I was grabbed. He might have cared for me from the start, but I wasn’t the first they thought of. Not based on that flinch. I only wonder if I was the last or just not at all.

“And you never will be again.” Hiroshi’s hushed words are spoken fast, but I react on instinct.

The gun appears in his hand a moment before I push it aside and it fires. Atom cries out and stumbles as red stains his shirt.

Blackness creeps in on me, but I push it aside as I look at the man I called Father. He smiles as he aims the gun at me. I feel the impact of something hitting me, but it doesn’t stop me. I throw my fist out and punch him in the face, then grab his shirt. My arm protests from the way I pull him close, but I ignore it as I ram my fist into his face over and over, watching blood spray from his nose and cheeks. The gun that was in his hand is all but forgotten as he goes limp in my hold, but my arm never wavers.

“Think you got him,” Gina says, with an arm around my stomach, kissing my cheek, then pulling me back enough for me to blink out of the haze and see my father’s face is nothing but blood and cuts. Unrecognizable. I let him go, his body hitting the floor. He groans at the impact, but he doesn’t move.

I look up and notice every man at the table is staring at me with wide eyes.

Gina giggles. “Damn, that was hot. I think I might like you for a whole other reason now.” She kisses my cheek again, and a grunt from Atom has me looking at him.

Casper is with him, Vinny standing above him, gun aimed at the men in front of us.

“Stop flirting with my wife,” Atom mumbles around a groan.

I go to him quickly, sinking to my knees when I see the blood.

“How bad is it?” I ask Casper, who seems to be assessing him.

“He’ll live,” he says before standing and taking a step away.

I look at Atom, at the blood on his hip. “Why do you keep getting shot?” I say almost in wonderment at the absurdity of it all.

He huffs. “Because you’re worth it.” He says it so matter-of-factly.

“Natalie-san.” Shin’s voice pulls my attention, and only then do I look at the door that I once had my back to.

When I came in, only the three men Atom and I brought with us were there. Now, it’s filled with not only Vinny’s men, members of the Hounds, and the three other Devils Damned who Psy seems to always have with him, but at least a dozen or more men of Japanese descent. Including my grandfather, who I know should be in bed resting.

“What…?”

“Numbers, my girl. Actions and numbers” is all Grandfather says, and I nod. I get it. The paperwork was proof to call out my father, but the wall of men at my back is for the rest to step in line.

All but one.

I look up and see my uncle. His calculating eyes are on me, and I know he’ll never be by my side. Never agree. The others might be swayed, pulled in by promises and favors. But not him.