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Because the men before Atom were just people I used to prove who I was. He’s the first I’ve thought of as something else. Not mine… but something.

“You’re so pretty when you come, Sunshine. But you’re right.” He moves off me before picking me up with ease as I wrap my legs around him. “Too many eyes around here to see what I want to do to you.”

He dashes us into the house, our picnic all but forgotten. Maybe someone will take care of it. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters right now but him and me.

He takes me back to the room we claimed the first night. Being in another room doesn’t seem right with him here. This is… this is ours. We had nothing back in Kansas that was ours. It was all his. But somehow, this space, it’s shared. We came together in this room, not in the physical way, but in the mental grouping. Realizing that we were each the only person the other could rely on at the time.

We undress each other. The haste, the need is here, but there’s also the knowledge that we have time. No one would dare come in here now.

The second we’re both free of clothes, Atom grabs me under my thighs and lifts me till my head is even with his. His lips claim mine as his cock slides against my stomach, a reminder of what could be inside me rather than between us.

I wrap my arms around him and squeeze my thighs as I pull my lips away, moving till he’s forced to tilt his head to look up at me.

And then I freeze.

The frenzy to have him inside me cools. I still want him, badly, but the way he looks at me…. I’ve had men look at me all my life. Most weren’t kind, but some were nice, almost pleasant. But the way Atom looks right now… it’s as if he’s telling me I have his heart. I just have to be brave enough to take it. To claim as my own.

As I lower slowly, his hips move a bit, and then he slides between my slick folds. The moments before are forgotten; now all that’s left is just us. Sharing a moment. Sharing feelings we don’t say out loud.

He lays me on the bed, never pulling away. Sliding into me over and over, we make sweet love till the sun rises.

Only after having a dozen moments of shattered bliss between us do I close my eyes and rest. I feel his lips on my forehead once more before I drift off, leaving me with a feeling that something is truly wrong and I might have just ruined everything.

Three Weeks Later

Atom’s gone. It’s been weeks, and I still don’t know how I feel about it. Part of me is glad he left, but….

Jesus, this is complicated.

The feeling I had the night we made love, I knew he was going to say goodbye. I don’t know how I knew, but I did.

I’m “married” to him. He’s my old man in his eyes. The world sees it that way too. But they also see me as a woman who just took over the family business, killed her adopted father and uncle, and has a helluva lot of childhood trauma.

Oh, and I’m missing a toe and can’t ever wear open-toed shoes.

When Atom prepared me meals, before I knew what he really was, it was easier to say no. To not eat. But slowly, like with everything else about him, I started to feel guilty for not accepting them. I warred with myself for months over feeling and seeing the cage around me and yet finding some comforts that consumed me. Now that I know he saw each gesture as something a doting husband would do, I’m still conflicted, but more on the guilty side that I didn’t notice before. That I was so wrapped up in my own demons that I couldn’t tell the difference between one captor and the next.

Atom was like none of them. He never could be, now that I take him in for all he is.

I get the name now. Atom. Exploding bomb. I’ve seen how he can take down an entire elite Yakuza team as just one person. I don’t think anyone else could do that. Even Gina, though she won’t admit it, was impressed. But I saw it in her eyes, in her subtle noises as we watched him on the cameras. Atom is extraordinary. He’s amazing.

And yet… I still hold myself back.

It’s like a damn wall in front of me, forcing me to stay apart. Something inside me isn’t allowing me to let go of the capture part. I don’t understand it, but it’s there.

He left a note, one I carry with me and look at often. Like now. Gina knows. I’m sure she’s seen it. But she gives me space each time I pull it out to read it once more. To confirm it was real and he wasn’t a dream… a nightmare… both and more. Atom was more than I thought was possible in my life. And when he left it… he took something with him.

My Sunshine,

Your grandfather said you have everything now, but I knew it wasn’t true. Because the one thing that you wanted wasn’t something he could give you, but I could.

You now have the council at your beck and call. A group of people to protect you. Allies to run to if you ever need them. You’re free. Truly free. And with me gone, you’re free to choose your own path. I was selfish for wanting to keep you. For forcing you to be at my side. I know it, but I don’t regret it. I’ve loved you from the start, and I’ll love you till I take my last breath. And I will continue to love you from afar, even when you find another and marry them, bear their children, and tell them they have your heart and soul. But you will always be my Sunshine. The light of my life. The reason to keep going day after day. I release you from our “marriage,” but know that I will never call another my old lady. For you’re her, my one and only.

You’re the ruling head of the Takahashi family. You need them to see you, and not as the wife of a Hound. You need to show the world you’re strong without anyone but yourself to lead.

Take the world by storm, my Sunshine.

Forever yours,