Page 5

Walking into the clubhouse the next morning, I was on edge. Sleep had eluded me the night before, and instead of the rest I desperately needed, I was tormented by visions of a Lilah—dreams so vivid, it was hard to admit they weren’t real.

Just after 9 a.m., the clubhouse was quiet. Everyone was either at work or sleeping off the party from the night before. Clutching a pastry bag in one fist, I relaxed once I realized I wouldn’t have to make small talk with anyone.

Almost to the kitchen, a muffled sound reached me—a cross between a sniffle and a sob. Without much thought, I had switched direction and headed toward the smaller TV room that had only recently been set up.

Fiona, who was married to our VP, Bash, was seated in one of the oversized chairs. She looked flustered, her red hair a mess as pink blotches spread across her cheeks. When I saw tears, I froze, unsure what to do.

Fee was calm, rational, and composed. She was one of my favorite people, and seeing her upset made something inside me burn. Dropping my things on the nearest surface, I rushed over to her.

“What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Should I call Bash?” I asked, hovering over Fee’s very pregnant belly.

“Of course it’s the baby! All I wanted was to have my one cup of coffee a day and sit down and read my book. Preferably without some bossy giant hovering as if a baby is gonna drop out of me any minute. I finally got Bash to leave me alone, then I spilled my coffee, and my glasses fell off. To make it worse, I’m too big to pick up either of them.” I looked around, spying the spilled coffee cup and Fiona’s glasses. A smile teased my face. It was a foreign feeling, but if anyone could bring it out of me, it was Fee.

“Alright, Red. New game plan. Take these first,” I said, passing over her glasses. With a strong sniff, she put them on her face, her eyes watching me warily as I moved around the room. Grabbing the spilled cup, I brought it over to where I had dropped my things before slowly taking out the goodies I bought just for her.

“Got you a bear claw. Why don’t you snack on this while I make you a fresh cup? Then, we can go over your list of books. I’m gonna head to the store for Ma tomorrow.”

“Gimme, gimme!” Fiona had a large smile on her face, her eyes focused on the pastry bag in my hand. I passed it over to her and watched as she sank back into the chair and took a large bite. Dragging the ottoman over, Fee didn’t blink as she lifted her feet for me to slide it under.

“You’re my hero, Scythe. Seriously, you saved the day.” Half the bear claw was already gone, and I had to hold back my response. Grabbing one of the fluffy blankets that now existed everywhere, I handed it to Fee, who quickly snuggled up under it.

“I’ll be back with the coffee,” I told her, and she smiled big as she quickly finished the last of the pastry.

It had been strange, seeing Bash settle down, but I couldn’t think of someone who deserved it more. Fiona and Bash just worked. She was the calm to his storm, the only one who could talk him down. If anything happened to her, he would burn the world down trying to fix it.

I really liked Fee, too, and considered her just as much my friend h as Bash’s Old Lady. She never treated me differently and never seemed afraid of me. She was smart and nerdy and just easy to talk to. The pregnancy was making her a bit louder, more outspoken and short-tempered.

It was funny, seeing that pint-sized woman going toe to toe with all my brothers, not a single one of them ballsy enough to say or do anything back. Not that I blamed them. Fee could give you a verbal lashing if you earned it.

When I got back to the room, she was fast asleep, curled up in the chair under the blanket. A very unladylike snore came from her as her glasses almost fell off again. Grabbing them, I folded them closed and placed them next to the extra baked goods I had brought along.

Making sure she was fine, I dimmed the lights and closed the door behind me. Heading to the kitchen, I took a sip of my now-cold coffee, but it didn’t bother me. Helping Fee in any way meant more, even if it was just giving her a donut.

I wasn’t surprised to see Bull up and about when I got to the kitchen. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend, and he gave himself that title.

“Beth okay?” he asked, concern obvious on his face.

“Yeah. Have to find a new aid worker for her, though. They sent over some preteen who was too busy on social media to realize Ma slipped out the back door,” I told him, a tired sigh escaping me.

Ma was my rock. It was her and me against the world. Seeing her suffer, seeing her decline, was harder on me than anything else. A flash of her at Lilah’s table, happy and smiling…The memory warmed me. Even before the diagnosis, Mom kept to herself. Cece and Seph visited her regularly, but Mom always felt a bit intimidated by them.

“They saved me when I wasn’t strong enough to protect you or myself. I will always be grateful to them for that. At the same time, the fact that I needed them is something I will never forgive myself for.” It was complicated. I knew the women didn’t feel that way, but above all else, I knew how easily thoughts and feelings could get twisted, mangled, and turned into something evil.

The rotten vines that held us together, that mapped out our beginning and middle, were still tightly woven around us. Thorns were embedded, withering vines clinging with their last breaths, brown and dead, yet still sharp and pointed. There was no such thing as far enough when you were trying to escape your own failures.

“Yo,” Bull yelled, snapping in my face. “You okay? The scale,” he said, and I frowned. He had determined that I was a pathological liar—when it came to my own emotional state, at least. Throughout the years, whenever we were in tense events, he would ask me to rate how I felt on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best.

Am I okay? I was exhausted, but that was deserved. Until we found Crow, until we got the trail up and running, there was no time to waste. Everyone was feeling that pressure. I didn’t think it was hitting me more.

“Five? I don’t know, man. This whole thing is shitty. But I’m okay. Ma is okay. Things are okay,” I told him, mentally going through my checklist.

“Alright. Make sure you get some sleep. You’re not gonna be helpful to anyone like this. I thought you were stopping for breakfast? You can’t just have coffee.” He frowned at me before rummaging through the cupboards, passing me whatever he could find in a sealed package.

“Fee’s in the TV room. She was crying, so I gave her my breakfast, too, even though I already got her something,” I told him, and he rolled his eyes as he watched me eat a Pop-Tart.

“That baby needs to come out, or she’s gonna torch this whole place with us inside.”

“Thought you were gonna be their doula or some shit. Don’t you have her date and doctor’s info written down somewhere? What’s their birthing plan again?” I taunted him.