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Katie laughs cheerfully. “We have something important to do.”

“Oh really? What’s that?”

“We’re going over to introduce ourselves to Mr. Sutherland.”

My heart skips a beat and then starts again, way too fast. No, no, no! I can’t go over to him. No way.

“Can’t you do that without me?” I pull against Katie’s grip, and she slows down a little but doesn’t stop. My gaze darts across the room, and I see Phoenix with Mr. Pearson on the other side of the hall, deep in a conversation, which I really don’t want to interrupt.

“Come on, you can’t let me go over there all alone.”

“Then take Susannah with you. I’m sure she wants to meet him just as badly as you do,” I reply. But unfortunately, that doesn’t stop her either.

“Yeah, but she isn’t here right now, and I don’t know where she is. Why are you acting so weird?” Katie gives me a curious glance.

Because I slept with him. I slept with our teacher and stole from him, and now I’m freaking out because he’s here and I have no idea how to deal with it, I want to say. But I can’t get the words out. Somehow I can’t manage to tell her the truth.

“I’m not,” I lie instead.

“Yes, you are.” Her eyes narrow to slits, and all at once, I feel cold. Fear spreads through my stomach.

“No, I’m really not.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, absolutely,” I say as convincingly as possible, hoping she’ll finally give in.

“Okay, come on then. Don’t tell me you’re not curious about Mr. Sutherland. He’s really hot, isn’t he? And super young. The absolute jackpot. Even if he’s not British.” She giggles, and I have to suppress the urge to throw up. “How old do you think he is?”

“No clue,” I say tonelessly. And then, before I can change my mind and run away, we’ve reached Pearson and Phoenix.

They’re standing with their backs to us, as different as two men could possibly be, and not just because Phoenix is much younger. Their body language, their posture, and their clothes are totally different. Pearson looks relaxed in his slacks and shirt. His shoulders are loose, his back straight. On the contrary, Phoenix makes the impression that he’d rather be anywhere but here. His hands are buried deep in his jeans pockets, and his shoulders are tense. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.

“Mr. Pearson?” Katie’s voice is bright and clear. The two men turn toward us at the same moment. Phoenix’s eyes meet mine unerringly; he doesn’t seem to notice Katie at all. My breath catches, and my hand jerks upward, closing around the pendant again. It’s pure instinct, but I can’t let him see it or I’m lost.

Aren’t you lost already?

At first he looks confused, seemingly unable to place my face, and something about his reaction makes my heart twinge painfully. Then recognition flashes across his features, and his eyes, so dark brown they’re almost black, go wide. Next to me, Katie says something to Pearson, but I’m not listening again, which happens far too often lately. All I can do is stare at him. My chest tightens, and I can’t breathe.

Pull yourself together. You can do this. Just pretend nothing is wrong, like you don’t know each other.

But no, I can’t do that. I can’t pretend nothing is wrong, and I can’t pull myself together. I’ve lost control of myself and the whole damn situation. There’s a rushing sound in my ears. For two or three seconds, we just stare at each other, and then he recovers, a moment before I do. A polite, distant smile spreads across his face, and the only thing I can think of is that something’s wrong. His real smile was different.

But that was then, and this is now, and everything is different. We are different. Both of us.

Chapter 5

Phoenix

It’s strange to be back here in this city, at this school. Almost four years have passed since I left for New York.

Four years, but everything is still here. The pain. The guilt. The responsibility.

I thought I was over it. I thought that time would be enough to help me get over these damn feelings. I was wrong.

Since I’ve been here, it’s all come back. Now it feels like there’s a noose around my neck and barbed wire around my heart, both tightening with every moment I stand here. Inch by inch.

“I’m so glad you came back to teach here, Phoenix.” Pearson gives me a warm smile.