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It shouldn’t hurt, it really shouldn’t. But it does.

I know what it’s like to hate yourself. I know what it’s like to feel trapped.

Phoenix understands. He understands me. He kissed me, and then he left.

All at once I feel totally exhausted. Everything is spiraling out of control. I’m losing control of my life, and I don’t know what to do about it.

I don’t hear the footsteps on the stairs until it’s too late. As the door flies open, I wheel around and suddenly and very unexpectedly find myself face-to-face with Jase.

Jase and Zoe.

Their laughter dies as soon as they see me. They obviously didn’t expect me to be here. Or anyone else, for that matter. A grim expression spreads over Jase’s face, and I have to pull myself together and smile, pretending that nothing is wrong. But I don’t have the strength right now to pretend to him or anyone else anymore.

“What are you doing here?” he asks reproachfully, as if I have no right to be here at all.

“Nothing. I was just about to leave,” I reply, so quickly that I swallow half of what I’m saying. I have to get out of here. A confrontation with my brother is the last thing I can handle right now.

Zoe’s gaze darts back and forth between Jase and me, and there’s something in her eyes that looks a lot like pity. I tense. Of course she feels sorry for us. She doesn’t understand how we can be the way we are with each other, and how could she? She has a brother who adores her and would do anything for her. I hardly know Zoe, and I don’t know Caleb at all, but this is a small school and people talk. Last year, they had a lot to say about Zoe and what she went through. Everyone was talking about her brother and his friends and my brother. It was impossible not to hear about it.

And it was almost impossible not to seek him out. Unfortunately, I know that Jase wants to talk to me even less than I want to talk to him.

I grab my bag and try to push past them, but Zoe stops me.

“Don’t forget your phone,” she says, and for a second, I don’t understand what she’s talking about. But then I register the soft piano music that Phoenix chose earlier, before everything went down the drain, still playing over the speaker system. It wasn’t me who forgot my phone, it was him.

“That’s not—” I stop. I can’t tell them it isn’t my phone, because then I’d have to explain that Phoenix was up here with me. Of course I wouldn’t have to tell them, because I don’t really have to do anything.

But instead of admitting that it’s not mine and simply walking away, I walk over and pull his phone from the cable and slip it into my pocket.

“Thanks,” I mumble, feeling a stab of doubt. I shouldn’t take the phone. Sooner or later he’ll realize he left it here, and then he’ll come back to get it and find that it’s gone. And of course he’ll know that I have it. I take it anyway.

With my eyes lowered, I hurry past Zoe and Jase. They’re supposed to be in class, and on any other day, I might have confronted them about it because Jase can’t afford to skip classes, not if he doesn’t want to lose his scholarship. But today isn’t any other day.

“She was crying.” I almost miss Zoe’s quiet whisper, but only almost. It takes all the strength I have left not to give myself away. But I stop on the top step. My legs won’t obey me anymore. The door is ajar, and I can still hear their voices.

Jase snorts. “So what?” Part of me wants to go back inside and see if he’ll look me in the eyes while he’s talking about me. A moment later, he makes a sound of protest. “Hey, what was that for?”

“She’s your sister!” Zoe sounds surprisingly reproachful. “And she was crying.”

“Probably because she didn’t get the lead.” I can almost hear his eyes rolling. “My sympathy is limited, I’m sorry.”

She sighs. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to act normal with each other?”

“No.” Jase’s answer comes too quickly. “We could never act normal with each other. We’ve never had anything to say to each other. What would we talk about? Oh, wait, maybe the fact that Mom and Dad always made her their favorite and cut off my tuition payments. Or that she tried to blackmail me with my tuition money so I would make nice with Mom and Dad. That would be a fun conversation, don’t you think?”

“Stop being so cynical.”

“I always am.”

“Only when you’re talking about your family.” She sighs again.

I should leave instead of eavesdropping, but I still can’t get myself to move. I stand there like I’m rooted to the floor and listen to my brother talking to his girlfriend about our family.

“I just think that it would be good for you two to finally talk about it. You haven’t talked for almost an entire year,” Zoe says gently.

“With good reason.”

“Yeah, I know, but—”