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“Do you know where Susannah went?” I ask Katie quietly after a while, when I can’t stand it anymore.

“No, why?”

“Because . . . I don’t know. She’s been acting so weird today, and I wanted to talk to her before we start rehearsing.”

“I think she’s just nervous because the performance is getting closer,” Katie says, but she doesn’t seem entirely convinced. “Time is already pretty tight.”

“Yeah, I know. But—”

“But what?” Katie presses, and there’s something in her gaze, something so insecure that I almost slip and reveal my suspicion.

But only almost, because at that moment Susannah reappears, no longer as pale as she was just a moment ago, with a smile on her face. She’s a little out of breath, but there could be many reasons for that. When she comes over to Katie and me, she apologizes for snapping at me earlier, and we fall back into our old patterns and pretend nothing happened, even though everything feels wrong.

Francesca saves us from the awkwardness by calling us all together so we can start the rehearsal. Stage rehearsals are always magical because there’s so much excitement in the air. Excitement and anticipation.

The performance is getting closer every day. Things are getting serious, we all know that. We are only too aware of it. Our future is almost within reach, and most of us can still believe that all our hopes and dreams will come true.

Francesca sends everyone to their positions, and we begin with the first act. Today is more about going through the entire ballet once instead of everything going perfectly. For the first time, all together, every scene, every act in succession.

For the first few minutes, chaos reigns. Dancing on the stage is completely different from dancing in the studio. The floor is different, the space is different—just being here is something special.

I’m not in the first scene; I only join later, when the prince comes to the lake and the swans make their first appearance. That takes a while, enough time to watch the beginning, the prince’s birthday party. Charlie plays him well, the exuberant prince celebrating his coming of age with his friends. When Katie enters the stage as the Queen Mother to admonish him to find a wife, I have to smile. She’s much smaller than he is, yet she exudes an authority in her role that I’ve never seen in her before.

Minute after minute passes. Mistakes happen, nothing serious, just minor things, but I already know what Francesca will criticize later when we sit down after rehearsal and go through each scene again.

When Susannah enters the stage, I involuntarily hold my breath. She’s beautiful, and for the first time, I understand why Pearson chose her.

I can see it.

She dances what she feels, what the Swan Queen feels, and she’s stunning. She’s absolutely breathtaking, and she’s not even wearing the costume. Just a simple white tutu over her black leotard so that she and Charlie can get used to the fact that the costume takes up more space than the skirts we usually wear in class. She’s the one you can’t take your eyes off because of how brilliant she is.

I start to feel calmer as I watch her. She deserves to be on this stage. She deserves to dance this role. There’s no dancer at this school who could do it better than she can. Not even me. I’m not ready yet, Susannah is.

She floats across the stage, her movements light and fluid, even though nothing she’s doing is easy. Absolutely nothing. But we learn from the beginning to make it look that way.

And then all at once she just stops in the middle of the stage. She staggers, raises a hand to her forehead, blinks, then takes another step, uncertain and unsteady.

Time stands still.

Just for a moment, and everyone collectively holds their breath. My heart skips a painful beat, and horror washes through me.

No, no, no.

But no one can stop it. She sinks to the floor, everything happening so fast.

And then chaos breaks out.

Part 5 Act 5

Chapter 51

Ophelia

I’m in shock.

I must be, because I feel numb as Francesca immediately ends the rehearsal and Susannah, her face white as chalk and silent tears running down her cheeks, is taken first to the infirmary and later to the hospital after she regains consciousness.

It feels like a nightmare that I have to wake up from. She just collapsed.