Page 138

I felt suddenly dizzy, the room tilting around me. I’d only ever felt like this one time before—I’d come to thirty seconds later splayed out on the ice, a teammate poking me with his stick.

My knees buckled, and I collapsed onto the edge of my bed, folding over to drop my head between my knees. I sucked down short, shallow breaths until the room stopped spinning, then I hauled myself upright up to meet Cally’s frightened eyes.

“Say that again,” I told him, my voice shaky.

Cally sank down onto the rug, pulling his legs into a cross in front of him. “After this roadie, I was going to hit up that jewelry store we always pass and get you a ring.”

The pain in my chest was back. “You were going to get me a ring?”

“That was the plan,” he said softly.

“But…” I swallowed hard, trying to process this turn of events. “I couldn’t wear it, Cal.”

He frowned, scratching at the side of his nose. “Why not?”

“Dude.” I tilted my head, shooting him a you-are-not-this-oblivious look. “As far as anyone knows, I don’t have a girlfriend, let alone a boyfriend. If I show up to the rink wearing a ring on that finger, the boys will harass the absolute shit out of me. The other WAGs will want to meet her.”

Cally nodded as I spoke, uncrossing his legs and stretching one out to nudge my foot with his. “What was your plan then?”

“I didn’t really have one,” I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. “I just figured we’d find a justice of the peace or whatever they’re called, have him marry us, and … just not tell anyone.” I shrugged.

Cally looked at me like I’d sprouted a second head. “You’re not serious.”

“Cal, come on,” I said, leaning forward. “You’re not out. And that’s okay! I don’t need you to be. I only need you to be mine. In fact, I don’t give a shit if you don’t ever want to come out.”

“So what?” he asked, his voice flat. “You’d just be my secret husband until, like, forever?”

“Yes, ex—” I snapped my mouth shut as a hollowed out look stole over his face.

I’d been so fucking sure that was the right choice, but watching the light dim from Cally’s eyes in real time, I realized how badly I miscalculated.

I’d only wanted to protect him. Instead, I’d insulted him.

He didn’t feel protected by my … sacrifice or whatever. He felt insulted.

To me, keeping us a secret was a way to have him without ruining his life. To Cally, I’d just insinuated he wasn’t brave enough to do the big, scary thing.

Fuck.

“I love you,” I said. “I want to be with you. That’s all that matters to me.”

He leaned back, flattening his palms on the rug behind him, and turned his face away—but not before I caught the flash of wounded pride in his eyes.

“That’s idiotic,” he said, his voice thick.

“Hey,” I bristled, sliding off the bed to drop to my knees in front of him. I gripped his chin between my thumb and forefinger, forcing him to look at me. “I’m trying to protect you. I’d come out tomorrow if I didn’t think it would send you into a panic spiral.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding. “Then do it.”

“What?” My hand dropped from his face.

Cally lifted his chin, his gaze flinty. “Let’s come out.”

Had exhaustion finally caught up with me? Was I hallucinating? “I’m sorry, what?”

“Let’s come out. We’ll do it together.”

“Are you crazy?”