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He looks back at me before the door closes. I nod so he will go. I’ve embarrassed him as well.
Daurek remains beside the table.
“Why did you tell me you’d decided?”
“I wanted you to stop worrying.”
“I did.”
I have no answer to that.
He pulls out a chair but doesn’t sit. His fingers catch beneath its back, and he lets go before the wood bends.
“Does Surevai think you’re taking the job?”
“No. I told him I might go home, or stay here, or take it. He knows I haven’t decided.”
“Then tell me the same thing.”
“I should have.”
“Tell me now.”
The words are simple. Saying them means watching his relief disappear and knowing I gave it to him for only a few minutes.
“I haven’t decided where I’ll live after the hearing. I want to meet the factor. I want to see Asha. And I want you.”
Daurek sits down.
I stay on the other side of the table until he looks up.
“I believed Ziku,” he says. “I started thinking about taking you to the northern groves once the hearing was over. There’s a house there that looks across the lake. I thought you’d like to wake there.”
I have made him tell me what he was imagining. I want to go to him, and I want to keep that house exactly as he has described it while keeping the room in Karath too.
“That sounds lovely.”
He looks away.
“Don’t answer because I’ve told you I want it.”
I pull out the chair opposite him and sit. The apology I rehearsed on the path sounds useless now.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I knew I wasn’t certain when he asked.”
Daurek watches me. I wait for him to tell me it doesn’t matter.
He doesn’t.
“You can change your mind,” he says at last. “I need to know when you have.”
“I’ll find Ziku. Tell him what to say if anyone asks.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
Rain strikes the windows.
“Would you still like me beside you at dinner?” I ask.
