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“As I’ve mentioned, I was a bit of a cuckoo in the nest,” he said, referring to his fae parentage. “I don’t know if that was why or, perhaps, I’m just wired this way.” He paused and then shook his head. “I’m not telling this correctly.” He blew out a breath and then tapped his forehead. “My mind has been my enemy for much of my life.

“I have a hard time with new things, unfamiliar things, chaos… My mind spirals out of control, looking for patterns and order. From the outside, I appear to merely be lost in thought. Inside, my mind is consumed, unable to process and move on.

“I was able to hide and mask in school, for the most part, but later… I’m getting ahead of myself again. I met Sarah in college. She’s an East Coast Booth. She was charming and lovely and liked me. I wasn’t used to—it was…intoxicating to have someone who loved me, who wanted to spend time with me.

“Looking back, I understand she had no idea what she was getting into. She thought I was an absent-minded professor type, not that there was something broken in me.”

I took Bracken’s hand in both of mine and felt the trembling. “You’re not broken.”

With a sad smile, his gaze found mine. “Sweet child, I am.” He squeezed my hand and continued. “After college, we married. I hoped with all my might that I’d change, that I’d get better and could have the life I’d always dreamed of. Sarah got pregnant almost immediately. I was already struggling with a new home—we’d bought a house—and living with someone. I wasn’t able to find that quiet calm to decompress. More and more, I retreated to my study to work. I’d had one bestseller at that point, which lent credibility to my need to closet myself away.

“Sarah didn’t understand. I could feel her disappointment, her sadness, but I couldn’t explain.” He stopped. “No. That’s not true. I wouldn’t explain, because I was ashamed. I’d had dreams of being a part of a loving family since I was a small child, and here I was with a beautiful wife in a perfect home, and what was I doing? I was hiding. Clearly, my parents had been correct. I was the problem.”

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “No.”

When he glanced at me, there were tears in his eyes. “When the baby came, I was useless. I had a panic attack in the hospital.” He rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “I was able to get out of the building before I completely lost it. I don’t even remember how, but I wasn’t there for his birth. The resentment grew exponentially after that. How could it not? She was a married single mother, doing all of it on her own.

“I came out of my study at night, once they’d fallen asleep. Really, once Sarah had fallen asleep, and I’d sit with Ben. I even picked him up and held him a few times. I worried, though, that I would drop him, so it was easier to reach a hand through the crib bars. He’d hold my finger until he drifted off and then I’d go clean the house. I could at least do that much, in the quiet and dark.

“One afternoon, I woke on the couch in my study and realized the house was too quiet. I’d checked the calendar the night before. There was no doctor’s appointment listed. I went out and found the house empty, closets cleaned out. They were gone.”

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured.

“As am I. I failed them and they left.”

“Did you try to find them?” Coco asked.

He shook his head. “Her phone was disconnected and the more I thought about it, the more I knew they were better off without me. I got worse for a lot of years, living in an RV, researching and writing my books at night, separate from the world.

“It was only recently that I was asked to come home to help my sister find a sorcerer. I met my grand-niece Arwyn. Like me, she’s part wicche and part fae. She’s an incredibly powerful Cassandra wicche with the gift of psychometry. She touched one of Ben’s toys and found him in an antiquarian book shop in Boston.”

“He loves books too,” I said, and Bracken nodded, the corner of his lips turning up.

“Arwyn suggested booking a private plane, so it would be less chaotic, more manageable for me, and said she and her young man would go with me. I don’t know, though. What if meeting me makes it worse for him? And Arwyn’s pregnant now. She has so much going on. I don’t want to add to it.”

I tugged on his hand. “I have a plane. I mean, it’s Clive’s, but community property and all that. I’ll go with you.”

Coco leaned forward. “Grandmother has a plane too. I can go as well.”

“And you don’t need to worry about Ben not wanting to see you,” I told him. “The judges told you to go.”

He blinked back tears, looking between Coco and me. “They did, didn’t they?” He nodded slowly to himself, working up to a decision. “Okay. If we survive this journey, I’m going to Boston to meet my son. Whether he throws me out of his shop or not, I’ll go and introduce myself.”

Coco clapped. “Excellent. Now we have something to look forward to.”

Stheno flinched, like the hand clap had woken her. “Oh, sorry. Did you say something?”

“Stheno,” I drew out. I knew she was kidding, but these two didn’t.

She got up and collected her things, stowing her canteen in her bag. “I was just messing with you. Ben is lucky to have a dad who cares so much. I need to move or I am going to fall asleep.” She started walking as the rest of us slung on our backpacks and followed.

Chapter 15.5

THE FERRYMAN’S REST, HOUR 38

Meanwhile, Clive woke and found Vlad sitting on the cooler, drinking from a blood bag and reading. Vlad glanced up from his e-reader and threw the extra bag in his hand to Clive.

“How’s the arm?” Vlad asked. “Still numb?”