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“Because she and I care about each other. I thought you liked having her and Theo around too.”

“I did at first, but I thought my mom was coming to live with us. Now Ms. Shiloh is coming around again, trying to do stuff for us.”

“Your mom was only staying with us until she was able to get into the hospital.” I filled him in.

“But Ms. Shiloh even came to my game. My mom couldn’t even come. She’s never been to any of my games, but you brought Ms. Shiloh. Did you make her go away so Ms. Shiloh could come back because you like her more?”

“No, man. I would never do that. Your mom is welcome to come to anything you have going on, but she and I are not together anymore. Trisha is in the hospital trying to get better so she can be there for you more. I explained that to you.”

“Do you love Ms. Shiloh?” Victor asked, catching me off guard.

“Why do you ask that?”

“I heard you tell my mom that. Is that why you don’t want my mom around?”

“It’s not that I don’t want your mom around, Vick. It’s just that she doesn’t always make healthy choices. I refuse to let anyone around you that’s not going to be good for you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you or put you in a bad situation. I don’t care who they are. Hopefully, when your mom gets better, things will be different.”

“Is my mom on drugs? A kid at school said that when he saw her with us.”

My heart sank as soon as the question was in the air. I hoped that I would never have to have this discussion with my son. As inquisitive as he was, it was a miracle that he hadn’t figured out his mother’s illness wasn’t just a normal sickness by now. I didn’t want him to see her in a bad light no matter what she did.

At the same time, I didn’t want to blatantly lie to him. Victor was a smart kid; eventually, he would figure things out on his own. That was if none of those badass, bigmouthed kids at his school didn’t paint the picture for him first. Instead of waiting for him to get further confirmation from one of them, I picked the pan up from the counter and put it in the oven before turning back to him.

“Your mom had some issues with different things. I’m not even sure what all they were. All I know is that she wants to get better for you. No matter if she and I are together or not, I’m going to do everything I can to help her get well. I don’t want to kick her out of your life. I want her to be able to pick you up and go places and even take you with her to spend the night when she’s ready. Right now, she’s just working on getting well.”

“I hope she gets better soon.”

I turned the stove on low before kneeling in front of him. “You want to pray for her?”

“Yes, sir.” He nodded.

“Do you want to do it, or do you want me to?”

“You can do it. You know what to say.”

I grabbed his hands, holding them in mine as we both bowed our heads. Once my mind was clear, I began to speak from my heart.

“Dear Heavenly Father, I would like to take a moment to say a prayer for Trish and our son Victor. Trisha has faced a lot of trials that have caused her to stray from her family, but only you know what it takes to heal her mind, body, and spirit. Hold her in your arms, Lord, and let her know that she is loved and protected. Help her fight this sickness that has kept her away from her son. Let her know that it’s not too late to make things right. She has a son who loves her and is praying for her recovery. Lord, strengthen her where she is weak and build her up where she is torn down. Give her what it takes to fight the demons that have haunted her for far too long. In your name⁠—”

“And Lord, make sure my mama knows that I love her, and I’m not ashamed of her. I just want her to get better. Amen.”

“Amen,” I said, throwing my arms around my son and pulling him into a hug.

It tore me into a million pieces to hear him crying quietly against my chest. I felt so helpless. I kissed the top of his head and held him in my arms for a while and let him get it all out for a minute.

“I love you more than anything in the world, Victor. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, buddy. If I could take it all away, I would.”

He pulled back enough to look into my eyes before responding. “Is Ms. Shiloh mad with me?”

“Nah, buddy. She understands that you’re having a hard time. She just wants the best for you like I do.”

“Are you mad with me, Dad?” he asked carefully.

“No, I’m not mad, Victor.”

“Are you disappointed?”

I shook my head. There was no telling how many times I had told Victor and his sister that I wasn’t mad; I was just disappointed. Now my son was using my own words against me.