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“It doesn’t sit well with me that there are humans who know the truth about us. It feels like a major liability, a threat. They know what we are, yet they play along. It’s not natural,” I said, shrugging. “I realize it’s not modern. I understand that most vampires feel differently, but it’s just not something I’m comfortable with.”

“It’s the twenty-first century,” Jonathan said. “I’ve heard that humans value concepts like consent. How many of your dates would bare their throats if you were honest with them? At least those humans get paid and keep quiet,” he said, nodding toward the retreating group.

“I also offer a kind of…exchange of services. And they can’t talk about what they don’t know,” I replied.

Anna snorted, drawing everyone’s attention. She tilted her head and pointed her straw at me. “So, I’m confused. Does that make you the John or the whore in this scenario?”

“Enough!” I snapped. I kept my voice low so as not to startle the humans nearby, but my command had an immediate effect on the vampires at the table. Sadie gasped and buried her face against Mateo’s shoulder, her body shaking. Mateo held her close but otherwise stayed perfectly still, his eyes downcast. Jonathan pulled away from me and shrank into the back of the booth, a serious look on his normally jovial face. Even Anna, older than the rest yet still much younger than me, flattened her smile and stared down at the table, her hands in her lap. Vampires might not hunt and kill humans anymore, but that didn’t mean we weren’t violent.

It was uncharacteristic of me to lose control, but I didn’t want to press my luck that evening. Suddenly, the urge to leave surged within me like a rising tide, threatening to overwhelm me. I needed to escape, to put distance between myself and the conversation and the other vampires in the room.

Risking rudeness, I set my cocktail down and stood. “I think I’ll take my leave. Ladies and gentlemen,” I said.

Anna waved but frowned disapprovingly. Both men nodded and bid me farewell with careful politeness. Sadie kept her face pressed to Mateo.

I shook my head and slipped back into the crowd. I heard low, whispered conversations behind me, spurring me onward. I didn’t want to risk hearing what they had to say, knowing it wouldn’t improve my mood.

On the street, I walked without a specific destination. I struggled to keep my pace slow enough to avoid drawing attention. I told myself firmly that I was not fleeing. Elder vampires did not flee.

Leaving was the right choice.

The simple act of walking in the brisk night air cleared my head and calmed my nerves. My frustration receded, and my thoughts steadied. I considered feeding again. I could always eat, but after the conversation at the bar, I found I didn’t have it in me.

Instead, I contented myself with a walk through the park. As I walked, I studied the people out together. Several couples were arm in arm against the cold. Despite the temperature, they looked contented and warm.

I felt a stab of jealousy as I passed one couple. For all the teasing I endured about my chosen way of feeding, it had been many years since I’d had a proper lover. I enjoyed my dalliances with the humans I fed from, but I recognized them as distractions rather than true companionship.

Jonathan had been right. The humans I chose to feed from would run screaming if I revealed myself. So much of my way of life depended on deception. Yet sometimes I missed being myself with someone, truly seen in those intimate moments.

Sighing, I turned toward home. For now, I was resigned to being alone.

2

JULIAN

Getting myself to work on Monday morning was a trial. I felt like hell. I’d nearly called in sick after the weekend I’d endured, but I thought it best to stick to my usual routine, hoping it would take my mind off things.

Pushing through the front door of the law office, I waved to Gabby, the receptionist. She stared at me in disbelief. “Holy crap, Julian. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” I straightened my shoulders. “It was a bit of a tough weekend,” I said, trying to force a smile but not quite managing it. “I’m fine, though. I promise.”

“If you say so,” she mumbled as I walked past her and headed to my office.

I couldn’t begin to explain what had happened without risking losing it before I even reached my desk. However, I took a detour on my way there. Given Gabby’s reaction, I stopped by a mirror to check the damage. Gabby wasn’t a gossip—thank God—but I didn’t need the whole office whispering about me.

I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror above the sinks and groaned. I looked as bad as I felt. My sandy-brown hair, usually meticulously styled, was a mess. My suit looked as if it had been hastily thrown on in the dark, and my skin was sallow, with dark smudges under my eyes. Normally, I was considered one of the more put-together members of the practice, but not today. Had I even checked my appearance before leaving the house? I couldn’t remember.

Five minutes later, with as much help as water and paper towels could offer, I arrived at my office looking a bit more like myself.

I had no client meetings and no reason to leave the office that day, and I was grateful. I spent most of the morning with my nose pressed to my computer screen. But as hard as I tried to focus on work, all I could think about was Mark…and the breakup.

I remembered the dispenser’s vibration as I pulled the tape across the last cardboard box. I wasn’t sure whether I felt relief or was about to burst into tears. I’d helped Mark pack up his things all weekend, struggling to believe it was truly over. But I numbly went along with it anyway, trying to be helpful as always, when all I wanted was to fall apart. I didn’t want to help my lover leave. I wanted to scream, to beg, to find a way back to where we had been at the beginning. I wanted the kindness, the tenderness, and the passion I missed so much.

But the time for negotiation had long passed. We’d both known it was over for a while. Our fight last Friday had only sealed the deal. There was no coming back from the words we’d hurled at each other. Even if we could, I wasn’t sure I had it in me to try to work things out. I was tired. So tired. Yet the thought of not having Mark there felt unreal.

“Well, that’s it,” Mark had said as he reached for the last box to load into the U-Haul with the others.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I’d replied, handing it over. Mark took the heavy box, relieving me of the weight, and I actually felt lighter. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, I’d thought. Perhaps I just needed some time to be by myself, to figure out who I was on my own. It had been so long since I’d been single. This could be a new chapter. Yeah, it would be good for me, I’d decided. But the feeling in the pit of my stomach told me I was lying to myself. I had never managed to stay single for long. The truth was, I wasn’t good at being alone. I needed someone to care for.