Page 68

“Do you feel like yourself?”

“I suppose so,” I said, looking up at our bedroom ceiling. “Honestly, I feel really good, and that scares me. This can’t happen again. I could have easily killed you, no matter what you say.”

“Well, you should probably try to stop crying, or you’ll waste everything you’ve taken. How is that going to help anyone?” Julian said, quirking his half-smile at me, which made me laugh and helped stem the flow.

“You can’t wake me up anymore,” I said. “It’s not safe. I don’t want you anywhere near me until I’m fully awake.”

Julian nodded and resumed touching my hair. But I saw the sadness in his eyes and knew he already felt he was losing a piece of me.

“Are you okay for a little while? I can go make you something to eat,” I offered.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Julian said.

I carefully disentangled myself from Julian, dressed, and headed for the door. I grabbed my cigarette case and lighter on my way out. I needed a moment to think.

This had changed everything.

I smoked as I paced back and forth in the kitchen, waiting for the soup I was making to heat. The movement calmed me more than the nicotine did. It had been a while since I’d last indulged. I didn’t smoke around Julian, and I never had in the house before that night. However, I felt at a loss. I desperately needed something, anything, to steady my nerves, even if it was just the old ritual of smoking.

I was wired from the blood I’d taken and thoroughly unsettled by the way I’d fed. How could I have done that? Despite what Julian believed, I could have easily killed him. I could have drunk until there was nothing left. The thought made my legs quake, and I almost stumbled as I paced. I stubbed the cigarette out in the sink and shook my hands.

The soup was hot, so I dished it up and took it to Julian, who was still resting in bed. I made him promise to stay there for the rest of the evening and assured him I’d check in on him soon. However, I couldn’t stay in the room with him—at least not yet. I needed some distance until I was calmer.

Back in the main room, I started picking things up and rearranging them. I meant to tidy up, but before long, I recognized what I was doing. I was creating piles of the things we would need while sorting through what we would leave behind.

I went to my old room and retrieved the bags we’d stashed away. Julian was sound asleep, so I crept into the bedroom and quietly packed. I packed most of his clothes, along with some of my own belongings. Before long, I had everything loaded into the car and locked the door before returning to our bedroom.

Julian’s breathing was deep and steady. I slipped under the covers, curling around him, but I didn’t close my eyes. This was as close as I was willing to come to sleeping beside my mate. It was too risky, yet I longed to be near him, to feel the reassurance of his warm body. I allowed myself this brief moment. I breathed in the familiar scent of Julian’s hair and skin, tracing my finger along the side of his sleeping face, memorizing every line and curve. More tears slid down my cheeks and over the bridge of my nose, but I made no move to wipe them away.

After an hour, Julian stirred. I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. When I came back, Julian was smiling fondly at me.

“Hey, you’re still awake,” Julian said.

“Yes, I won’t be sleeping in here today,” I said, keeping my voice steady.

“Vincent, you’re overreacting. Come to bed.” Julian smiled and patted the spot where I’d just been lying.

“No. I won’t be moved on this.” I went to the door, avoiding Julian’s gaze. It was too hard to look at him and hold my resolve. I needed to leave our bedroom before I changed my mind. Julian’s footsteps followed me as I headed for the kitchen. It was too much to hope he’d stayed in bed.

“What the hell? Vincent, stop.”

I hesitated, my hand on the trapdoor.

“What have you done? Where is our stuff?” Julian’s voice was rising.

“We can’t stay here any longer.”

“What do you mean we can’t stay here? Look at me, God damn it!”

I turned to meet his angry stare. He was right to be upset, but it was for the wrong reason, and I refused to back down. “We need to leave. I’m taking you somewhere safe.”

“I’m perfectly safe here with you, and I’m not going anywhere,” Julian said stubbornly.

He needed to know there were no other options. It had to hurt. “You can’t stay here by yourself. Not with Nathaniel knowing where you are,” I said.

“By myself… You’re leaving? You’re really leaving me. Is that what you’re saying?”

I swallowed hard. “Yes, I’m leaving. But I’ll make sure you’re safe before I go.” I refused to break in front of Julian. He had to see I was resolved and meant to follow through. Julian couldn’t know how hard this was or how close I was to relenting.