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“Yes, I suppose you could say that,” I replied. I felt a strong urge to touch Julian. I moved to the sofa and placed a hand on Julian’s.

I wanted to express my feelings and be honest, but I didn’t want to frighten Julian or make him feel trapped. I decided it was best to shield him from the full extent of it. There was no reason for Julian to know that I felt bonded to him—that I loved him. I wouldn’t put that kind of pressure on him. It would only make parting ways harder. I understood that loving Julian meant doing whatever it took to keep him safe and to give him the life he deserved. I also realized this wasn’t a life with me. Julian deserved better than a lifetime of isolation as a food source for a vampire.

But given my recent actions, I knew I couldn’t hide it all. Julian deserved an explanation, so I took a deep breath and explained as best I could.

“I woke up early and didn’t know why. I was terrified something had happened to you,” I said. “I didn’t think; I just acted. I felt desperate to get to you. I know it wasn’t rational. But my reaction isn’t entirely uncommon for one of my kind when we…really like someone. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry, Julian. If I had known I would react this way, I never would have⁠—”

“You really like me, and you…regret it?”

“No! I mean, yes. Wait, I’m not explaining it well,” I said, taking another breath to try again. “I care for you. I think I have for a while, but I didn’t realize I would react this strongly once we became intimate. What I regret is my reaction, not the sex with you or my feelings for you. Last night you asked me to feed from you, to sleep with you, not to tear the house apart trying to reach you when the sun set again.”

“You have feelings for me?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And you want to continue…our new relationship?”

I knew the right answer. I knew I should say no and keep Julian at arm’s length for his own good. But I’d seen how that had gone before, and I was selfish. We were trapped together, and I couldn’t push him away any longer—not with how I felt for him. A locked door between us had driven me mad.

“Yes, if that’s what you want as well. While we are here together, I would like us to continue.”

“Yes, it’s definitely what I want,” Julian said, looking at me in a way that left no doubt. He stood, set his glass down, and pulled me to my feet.

The kiss was a question, a tentative plea for reassurance that we were okay. Then he traced his tongue along the seam of my mouth, and I opened for him. As my tongue slid against his, the kiss became a demand, a desperate need to be closer. He started pulling at my clothes, and I wrapped my arms around him. I lifted him off the floor. I wanted to be in bed with him this time, to take our time and make him comfortable. But I didn’t want to presume, so I carried him to my room, stepping over the wreckage on my way to the bed.

“I can walk,” he said, breaking the kiss.

“Why bother?” I replied, catching his mouth with mine and swallowing whatever his answer would have been.

And then there was no more talking.

Later, we lay together in my bed, Julian’s head resting on my shoulder. A lantern’s weak light filled the room, letting me see Julian’s body beside mine. I knew I would never get tired of looking at him; he was so utterly beautiful. Despite our circumstances, I felt complete in that moment.

“Are you tired?” I asked. “You can sleep here if you want. I know it might not sound good, but I can’t stand the thought of a locked door between us.” I sighed. “I wish we were back in my old apartment. I had a whole suite of rooms you could access through a security panel. You could come and go as you pleased.”

“That sounds impressive,” Julian said. “Maybe we could think of something. If you wanted to share a room, that is.”

“I want you close, if it’s not too much to ask. But I can’t bring myself to leave the door unlocked all day.”

“Hmm, I understand. I can see how it would be uncomfortable to sleep behind an unlocked door if I were in your position. Maybe we could figure out a way to lock it on both sides. I could stay with you until you fall asleep, then lock you in when I leave? I’ve noticed that if you need to get out quickly, a lock doesn’t slow you down much.”

“No, it doesn’t,” I said, glancing at the pieces of wood still dangling from one hinge. “Yeah, that could work. I’d love to fall asleep beside you, but I don’t want you stuck in here with me all day.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,” Julian said. “But yeah, I need to be able to get out during the day.”

“And if it’s not too much to ask, could you come back just before I wake? Not every evening, but maybe for a few nights?” I asked.

“Of course,” Julian said, then frowned when he caught sight of my right hand. He reached for it, and I gave it to him. As he took it, he paused, lifting my hand to the light for a better look. The palm and wrist were smeared with drying blood. “What happened?” he asked. “Did you…bite yourself?” He turned to my unblemished hand, inspecting it.

“Yes, I did.”

“Why?”

“Feeding isn’t always about sex, but I’m afraid that sex always involves biting. I can’t help it.”

“You can bite me, you know. You did it before, and I really don’t mind.”

“No, I can’t. At the pace we’re going, you wouldn’t survive. At least if I bite myself, I know you’re safe.”