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I had no context beyond movies and TV to help me imagine what was coming. I knew it would likely be painful, and I hoped I could handle it. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of Vincent, which felt like a strange thought. I was also still convinced that Vincent wouldn’t kill me. After all, I was the only source of food Vincent had nearby.

That thought reminded me of the first time we’d seen each other. I remembered how I’d felt when I saw him in that bar. The disappointment that he hadn’t come over, coupled with what I’d done later that night while thinking about him… It was hard to reconcile that with what was happening. I knew now that I’d been his intended dinner, not his date. It was embarrassing. It was even more embarrassing because I was still desperately attracted to the man—or vampire.

All of those things gave me serious reservations about the whole situation. Still, I wasn’t going to back down. I said I was willing. I would go through with it, no matter how unpleasant it might be. I shivered, then stood up to head back into the house.

23

VINCENT

Iwoke up in a strange yet comfortable bed. It took me a moment to remember where I was and what was going on. Then Julian’s voice filtered in from the kitchen, where he was talking to Samson, and it all came back.

When I’d finished unpacking the night before, I returned to the living room to find Julian dozing on the sofa, wrapped in a thick quilt, the light from the fireplace shining across his peaceful face. He’d been so handsome, beautiful, really, especially in sleep. He had a smooth brow, lovely cheekbones, and full lips. As I’d studied Julian’s features, I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander down the man’s neck, a surge of hunger rising in me. I’d fought it down hard and then turned away, feeling guilty.

Listening to the man’s voice now reminded me of the offer he’d made me. I’d been so shocked when he’d said it that I hadn’t trusted myself to speak. I’d just left.

I ran my hands along my body and felt the subtle changes. I was thinner, my skin clinging more closely to the slightly shrunken muscles beneath. It was nothing like being sick from drinking tainted blood, but I was beginning to feel the effects of expending so much energy and being underfed. While I looked forward to feeding, I was also nervous. Had I waited too long? Would I be able to hold back?

I rubbed my face, trying to dispel my troubling thoughts. With great effort, I refocused on the evening’s first task, the supply run I’d promised Julian. I dressed and unlocked my door. Julian was still in the kitchen, so I went to greet him and get his list.

“Good evening.”

“Oh, hi,” Julian said. “How was it sleeping in a bed?”

“Wonderful. It was nice to wake up without dirt in my hair. How did you spend your day?”

“Well, I went for a walk. It was beautiful but cold. There was a lot of new snow, but the sun was out, which helped. Then I boiled some water on the gas stove and took a warm-ish bath. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to get more gas in the future, but it was definitely worth it.” He smiled. “I also took inventory of the food and supplies on hand and made a list,” he said, handing it over. “It’s more than I thought I would need. There’s only enough food here for about a week if I stretch it. I had more canned goods back at my cabin, but there didn’t seem to be room or time to track them all down, and I didn’t find much in the cupboards here.”

He clutched his hands together and spoke quickly. He seemed nervous, as if he needed reassurance.

“That makes sense,” I said. “Our departure was abrupt, and we had no idea where we would end up.” I pocketed the list. “I’ll look and see what I can find. I can always return for more later or look farther out.”

As we talked, I deliberately avoided thinking about my dietary needs and the scent of Julian’s warm, freshly washed skin. “I’ll go now. It might take a while,” I said, heading for the door before I got myself into trouble.

“Okay, I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back,” Julian said.

I glanced up. Julian stared at me intently, as if waiting for acknowledgment. Julian’s deep brown eyes locked onto mine. My fangs descended, and I swallowed hard. All I could manage was a nod, and then I slung my empty pack over one shoulder and left the house without a word.

Despite the thick blanket of new snow, it was only a matter of minutes before I reached the town, but finding the items on Julian’s list took much longer. I’d brought a flashlight, which helped me look into places where the moonlight didn’t reach, but the stores in town had been pretty well picked over for essentials. This forced me to go door to door in the residential part of town to source what we needed.

It was more challenging than I’d anticipated, not only because of the difficulty in locating the items but also because of the need to enter the homes of many now-deceased residents. I held my breath to avoid the odor, but what I witnessed would linger in my memory for a long time. Thankfully, most people had passed away in their beds, so I didn’t have to see them. But some died in their living rooms, bathrooms, or kitchens where I couldn’t avoid their slowly rotting, half-frozen corpses and the macabre tableaux of their final moments.

Ironically, as a killer, I’d never experienced this aspect of humanity before. I’d expected to feel revolted. Instead, I found it all profoundly sad.

I returned to the house after several hours, carrying a full pack and reeking of death. Even the run through the cold night air couldn’t dislodge the stench. I opened the front door but didn’t step over the threshold. Julian was seated on the sofa. He stood to approach, but I raised a hand in warning.

“Don’t,” I said. “I had to go into the houses to collect most of this. I’ll drop the bag here, but don’t touch it yet. I need to wash up and burn these clothes.” I set the bag on the porch. “I’ll wipe everything down before I bring it inside, just to be safe. Would you please get me something to wear and leave it by the door? And toss me some soap? I didn’t think to grab any.” Next time, I’d have to do things differently.

“Oh, God. I never thought… I just assumed you’d go to a store or something. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t want to infect you,” I said, stepping back a few paces. Julian went to the kitchen, grabbed the soap off the counter, and walked toward the front door.

“That’s far enough. Just throw it,” I called out.

He did, and I caught it easily. I pulled the front door shut, shed my clothes, and went to the frozen-over pond. The spring feeding the pond meant there was still liquid water under the ice. I broke through the ice, submerged myself, and scrubbed off. It was thoroughly unpleasant. When I climbed out, the water on my skin and hair instantly began to freeze. I clearly hadn’t thought this through.

When I returned to the porch, I found a stack of clothing and a towel waiting by the door. The clothing was Julian’s: jeans, thick socks, a T-shirt, and a large gray sweater. The fit wasn’t perfect, but it would do nicely. Fully dressed, I went inside, leaving the bag and my boots on the porch and my dirty clothes strewn across the yard. I was towel-drying my hair by the fireplace when Julian’s footsteps echoed down the hall.

“I’ll clean the supplies and bring them in soon,” I said, squeezing the moisture from my hair with the towel. “My hair was freezing, though, and I didn’t want it to break off. I should have planned this better.” I was frustrated with myself for not working out the details ahead of time. I’d been too distracted.