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“How are you feeling tonight, old friend?” Nathaniel asked. We sat together on the sofa in the small sitting room, and I offered him a cigarette. He shook his head.

I lit one up and took a drag before answering. “I’m feeling like myself again, thank you.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Nathaniel said. He paused for a moment too long, and I waited for what I knew was coming. “You know I’m not just talking about your recent illness?” Nathaniel leaned back and looked me in the eye. “I was worried about you even before I got the voice message from your man. I haven’t heard from you in over a week. No one has. You haven’t been yourself lately.”

I rested against the armrest of the sofa and kept smoking, but I didn’t answer. What could I say? What Nathaniel was hinting at was true. I hadn’t been myself. But I was convinced I was all right again, and I didn’t want to worry my friend, so I stayed quiet.

Nathaniel’s next words froze me in place.

“I’ve read some disturbing reports in the papers this week,” he said. “Not only about the flu. There have been attacks throughout the city. A couple of bodies were discovered behind a club. One with its head twisted backward and one lacking most of its blood, marked on the neck… Your work?”

I focused on my hands, and the ash accumulating at the end of my lit cigarette. “It’s possible,” I admitted.

Not only was it frightening, but it was also embarrassing to have my recent deeds laid out before me, especially by my closest friend. Among our group, I had always been the most well-mannered, taking pride in my self-control, especially compared with the younger vampires in the city. The truth was, I hadn’t been in control of myself, and that scared me more than it scared Nathaniel.

Nathaniel exhaled noisily. “Vincent, please look at me.”

I met my friend’s anxious gaze. “I’m okay again, Nathaniel. I promise.” I sighed. “You’re right. I lost myself for a while. After we talked that night and I saw the others, I was frustrated and emotional. I know I should have reached out, but I didn’t. The next night, I went hunting, and things went wrong. I was attacked, or nearly so, and I reacted…poorly. After that…”

“I see,” Nathaniel replied. “But you’re feeling better now? You aren’t planning to resume your recent activities, are you?”

“Honestly, I was finished before I got sick. I lost my taste for it. I don’t know our purpose anymore—if we ever had one. To thin the herd? To manage the human population? It hasn’t worked.” I took another drag from my cigarette. “There are more vampires now than ever before. But we no longer kill. And while I suppose that’s a good thing, it raises the question: what are we for? We now live in fear of those we once hunted. Humans have become a greater threat to us than we are to them. The new generation of vampires may keep a staff of humans and feed only from the willing, but they don’t mix with them. They no longer try to integrate into the larger world in any other way. They spend all their time with each other, disconnected from the humans who sustain them. They accuse me of being old-fashioned, but at least I’m out in the world, engaging with it.”

“I think many would say you’ve become too involved lately,” Nathaniel said, though his tone was light. “I’m still worried. I hate hearing you say you feel like you have no purpose. Our purpose is to be—to live our lives and spend time with those we love. Don’t isolate yourself from us. You know it isn’t healthy. We need each other, especially now,” he paused. “And I know you don’t want to hear it, but hunting as you have been is too risky for several reasons, as you’ve found out.”

I understood what my friend meant. Not only was this disease a problem, but an out-of-control vampire posed a risk to everyone. If the community believed I was losing control, they would unite and take action. However, most older vampires didn’t let things escalate that far. Instead, they did everyone a favor by ending it long before that.

“I’m okay. I’m not out of control.” I stubbed out my cigarette and took Nathaniel’s hand, meeting his gaze again. “I’m myself and clearheaded. If this sickness has taught me anything, it’s that I want to be here. I want to continue. I don’t know what shape my life will take from now on, but you’re not losing me.” And I meant it. I wasn’t sure how I’d let it get that far, but I was back.

Nathaniel searched my face and, appearing satisfied, nodded. “Okay, don’t scare me like that again.”

“Promise.”

“And if you start feeling…unwell, please call me.”

I let go of his hand and took a deep breath. “So you can put me down yourself?” I asked, looking down, not wanting to meet my friend’s gaze.

A moment passed, and then his hands were on my face, lifting my chin so I had no choice but to look directly at the other vampire. Nathaniel’s eyes brimmed with blood-red tears, yet his voice remained steady. “It won’t come to that.”

I nodded, and Nathaniel pulled me into an embrace. I returned the hug, grateful for my friend and his concern. In that moment, I made up my mind. I would never put Nathaniel or anyone I loved in that position. I wouldn’t flirt with disaster or hurt those around me. It would be better to face the dawn than to cause them the pain of dealing with my unraveling.

Nathaniel pulled back and gave me a hard look. “You need to feed again. I could bring someone by or have a case of blood delivered?”

I wrinkled my nose at the thought. “I’m not going to start filling my fridge with blood like some new-age vampire. It’s undignified.”

“Have it your way,” Nathaniel said with a smile.

“I know you think it’s risky, but I’ll go out to get my own food. Patrick’s, I think.”

“Good. I’ll go with you.”

“To keep an eye on me?”

“Yes, but mainly to make myself feel better,” Nathaniel said. “I’ll call Anna to meet us there.”

“Fine, it will be nice to be in the company of friends.” I smiled warmly at Nathaniel and rose.

As we were leaving, I greeted a member of the cleaning staff. I didn’t know what Karl had told them about the condition of the study, but the woman smiled and wished me a good night, as if nothing were wrong. I decided to send Karl a generous holiday bonus this year. God knew he deserved it.