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His brain froze as desire crept in. He had to focus on something else, anything, before he lost control and took Daisy.
His fingers brushed the small scar on her lower abdomen. “When did this happen?”
She looked down at the scar, her face going blank. She slid away and pulled her clothing into place. “That’s ancient history, too.”
“Ancient history that kicks you in the gut every time you think about it. How did you get the scar?” He kept a hand on her back as she sat up and moved away from him. The world felt cold when she wasn’t in his arms.
Daisy turned toward him, but her gaze remained on her hands. “I told you my sister’s getting married to a jerk.”
“Sure.”
“Well, that jerk used to be my fiancé.” Daisy glanced at him.
“That’s... unusual.” And weird as all hell.
“His name’s Johnny. We met when we were teenagers. Our parents thought we’d be perfect together. Everyone figured we were the ideal couple. And, for a while, we were living the dream. We studied hard, worked hard, built up this illusion of what our future would be like together.”
Rexx hated the thought of Daisy being with anyone else. And even though it was so far from the truth it was laughable, he considered her his. He always had. “It didn’t work out that way?”
“Definitely not. Everything was perfect, so long as I played the role of the dutiful girlfriend and then fiancée. If there was ever a problem, it was never talked about. It was hidden away. It’s the way my family has always done things. You hide a problem by buying something new, or having the living room redesigned, or throwing a big party and announcing everything is great. That’s how we were. That’s how my parents still are. It’s not that we don’t love each other, but we show our love in a weird way. We’ve got love all turned around. Wrong, somehow. I don’t know. But that’s how I learned what love was like.” Daisy’s shoulders slumped, and a heavy sigh slid from her lips.
Rexx let her have her silence as she chewed on her thumbnail, only yanking it out of her mouth when she became aware of what she was doing.
“That’s how I behaved when I was part of a couple with Johnny. When the cracks started showing, we’d cover them over. We bought a huge house, went on expensive vacations, we threw parties. We made it look like everything was great. But inside, I was dying.”
Rexx’s heart clenched at the pain in Daisy’s words. “You didn’t think about leaving?”
“Once in a while. I talked to my friends. They said every relationship has its problems. You had to work at it. And I got that. I worked so hard to keep the illusion going. I needed everyone to believe I hadn’t made a mistake. Even when Johnny began drinking, and we’d fight, I still kept up the facade. Then, in a desperate attempt to salvage things, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I agreed to try for a baby.” Her hand went to the scar on her abdomen.
Rexx’s heart double tapped. “You have a kid?”
A choked snort came out of Daisy as she turned away again. “No, I definitely don’t have a child.”
He slid over and caught hold of her shoulder. “But you got pregnant?”
She nodded. “Everything changed once that happened. Johnny turned back into the guy I remembered when we were younger. He was affectionate and caring, always making plans about the baby and talking about how amazing it would be. Everything was good again. We had something positive to focus on. I really thought it was changing things for the better. But then...” Her fingers clenched on her stomach, and she swallowed loudly.
Rexx closed his eyes for a second. “You lost the baby?”
She simply nodded, and her chin dropped to her chest.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. “I’m sorry.” Those two words were so inadequate.
Daisy was shaking as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I was four and a half months pregnant. It happened so suddenly. I got a few cramps and then it all went wrong. I was rushed into the hospital, but there was nothing they could do. And there were complications. I had to have an operation afterward. I was heartbroken. Then Johnny didn’t come to see me for two days. I was in the hospital for four days under observation. When he finally turned up, he was a drunk mess. I figured he was grieving, too. I thought we could help each other. But he was cold and bitter. He blamed me for everything. He told me our relationship was a mistake. He could never be with someone who couldn’t carry his child.”
Rexx growled and held her even tighter. “The guy’s an asshole.”
“He’s the biggest one you’ll ever meet. He raged at me for so long that I went into shock. I couldn’t keep fighting. He made me believe it was all my fault. Then he walked away from everything we had because I’d failed to be a mom.”
“You didn’t fail at anything. Daisy, you’re perfect.”
She sniffed, and her hands wrapped around his arm, holding on tight. “I’m not perfect. Far from it. And as for being a good mom, I doubt I’ll ever find out.”
“You can’t have children?”
“Oh, I can have them. That’s not a problem. I got the best medical care. My family made sure of that. But I’m too scared to try again. What if Johnny was right? I’m not able to do the one thing most women can. What if I get pregnant again and the same thing happens? I don’t think I could stand it.”
He kissed the top of her head, every fiber inside him aching with the pain etched through those words. “You’d be the best mom. An amazing mom. If you’d had had a child with that idiot, would it have fixed things?”