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She took a deep breath and carried the glass full of stones back to her couch. She sat down, crossed her legs, and rested her hands on her knees. Nell took a deep breath and started to meditate.

“Every thought that comes into my head is under my power. I control my thoughts.” She took in a slow, deep breath and exhaled, letting all the bad memories and ideas seep away.

This was another form of self-help suggested by one of the many therapists she’d tried. Nell had to focus on the present. If you looked back, it didn’t help. The past was fixed and would not change, no matter how long you stared at it. As for the future, it wasn’t real; it was a possibility, so dwell on it at your peril.

She flinched as an image of a huge Dackin entered her head. Nell selected a stone from the glass and rolled it between her fingers.

“Focus on the stone. This will ground me. It will align me with the earth.” She breathed out the words slowly.

Nell shook her head. She wasn’t even on Earth. She floated a thousand miles above it, living on a decaying piece of metal among a crap load of aliens.

Her old therapist, the kindly but ineffective Doctor Richards, had told Nell not to try too many different therapies at once, or she would experience overwhelm.

He had warned her that, if she carried on pushing so hard, she could expect a total breakdown within the next six months.

He’d kept suggesting yoga, meditation, and time. Yoga! As if twisting herself into a knot would fix her issues.

That was when Nell had fired Doctor Richards and discovered Elina Kingsbury. Doctor Kingsbury worked on the nearest space station, Starland. She encouraged Nell to try anything that could help her, whether it was meditating, writing alien erotica, or buying charged crystals and holding them to keep her grounded. Nell was up for it all, anything that would help.

She rolled the stone between her fingers. It felt pleasant to the touch. It was cold and smooth. It didn’t make her feel any better.

She grabbed a handful of the stones and clutched them between her fingers.

“Think happy thoughts,” she whispered. “It’s all in the past. It cannot be changed. Live for the moment. Do not think about the past and don’t ruminate on the future. All you can control is the now.”

Nothing felt in control, though. The stones dug into her palm, and she dropped them on her lap.

Nell pulled back the sleeve of her jumpsuit, and her fingers went to two small puncture wounds on her wrist. She stroked across the faint scars.

“Nobody is here to hurt you,” she whispered. “You are in control of your thoughts. These are just thoughts.”

They weren’t just thoughts. They were memories, gritty, unpleasant ones that stuck in her mind every time they emerged, like drunken, evil demons looking to cause chaos. They were there, and they were real.

She let out a sigh. Meditating wasn’t cutting it tonight. Nell put the stones carefully back into the glass. She left them on the table and stared at them. They were pretty. She’d collected them when she’d been exploring Halina. It was such a beautiful place, with lush jungles and rivers. She’d spent a day exploring a cavern and found many of her favorite stones there. Nell had felt drawn to the amber and bright blue stones and had jars of them, picking up more every time she saw any in the local market or when visiting another station.

Nell flipped her tablet into e-reader mode and picked the latest download from her favorite author. It was another alien romance.

She flicked through the pages until she found some action.

His purple, muscular arms wrapped around her tiny waist, and he lifted her.

She wrapped her legs around his body and ground against him. He was so much more than the men she’d ever had. There was the promise of joy to come when they finally joined.

Any second now, he would lay her down, spread her legs wide, and devour her.

Nell dropped the tablet again. Nope, she didn’t want to read about an alien devouring anything, not even if it was his breakfast.

She was so tired, but sleep eluded her. There was one thing she knew worked. One thing that always got her to sleep.

Nell placed her hand in her crotch and gave a few half-hearted rubs to try to get something stirring. A good orgasm always did the job, and she dropped off about ten minutes after the main event.

She felt numb from the waist down, maybe even the neck down. Nell was blocked, and she knew it. Not just with her alien erotica but with everything. She hadn’t had a decent time in the bedroom for longer than she cared to remember. That was her fault. She held back every time someone showed interest.

On the outside, she was determined to keep her calm, confident demeanor in place. Everyone told her she was dependable and unflappable. Nothing bothered her. Nobody knew what happened when she closed the door at night and tried to write, or sleep, or not think about creepy aliens and their probing urges.

Nell gave up on her thankless crotch rubbing. Her fingers weren’t providing her any relief, and she’d only end up with a sore spot and finger cramp if she kept going.

She stood and strode into her bedroom. As every good single girl should have, her bedside cabinet had numerous fun toys for her to enjoy.