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Malice

Page 84

by LeAnn Ashers

Her lower lip quivers, just a brief, involuntary tremble she can’t suppress. Her eyes well up, a tear slipping down to meet my thumb. She doesn’t wipe it away. She lets me see everything—fear, relief, love so vast it fills the room, tangible in the air between us.

“You came back,” she whispers.

“I promised.”

She lets out a sound that’s somewhere between a laugh and a sob, grabbing my shirt with more strength than you’d expect given her size, her injuries, all the ways the world’s tried to break her. Her forehead rests against my chest, and I feel her breath, hot and shaky, like she’s holding back from falling apart.

I just hold her, arms wrapped tight around her back, her face buried in my chest. Her body trembles, still caught in the aftershocks of fear and the raw, overwhelming relief of survival. I stay quiet because there are no words for this, nothing can truly express what it’s like to embrace the woman you love after tearing the world apart to keep her safe.

She pulls back first. Her eyes glisten, tears streak down her cheeks, but her jaw is firm, her chin lifted, that unique strength shining through her softness like bone beneath flesh.

“I love you,” she says, voice steady yet heavy with everything she’s endured: the alley, the van, the message, the cabin, endless hours of waiting and hoping. “Carter, I love you so much it’s— I can’t⁠—”

“I know.” I press my forehead to hers, close my eyes, and breathe her in. “I know, sweetheart. I love you too. More than anything. More than everything.”

She kisses me.

It’s not gentle. Not the cautious, testing kind of kiss where two people are still figuring things out. This is raw, pulsing with a mix of desperation and devotion. Her bandaged hands cradle my face, fingers trembling along my jaw, and she kisses me like she’s trying to merge us into one, as if nothing could ever separate us.

I kiss her back with everything inside me, every bit of tenderness, every dark deed, every promise I’ve made and will keep forever. My hands slip into her hair, avoiding the tender spot on her scalp, my fingers tangling in the curls I’ve dreamt of for days. I pour myself into this kiss, the fury, the fear, the unshakable belief that she’s the only thing worth the blood that stains my hands.

She breaks the kiss, her breathing ragged, her eyes shining in the moonlight. Her bandaged hands are still on my face, her thumbs tracing the line of my jaw with a tenderness that makes my chest ache.

“Don’t leave again,” she whispers. Not a demand. A plea. The raw, unvarnished truth of a woman who’s reached her absolute limit and is asking the man she loves to please, please stay.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I catch one of her bandaged hands and bring it to my lips, pressing a kiss to the gauze, to the knuckles beneath, to the skin that’s bruised and torn and still so impossibly gentle. “Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever, Trix. I’m here. I’m staying.”

She looks at me, really looks, the way she does in the trauma bay when she’s figuring out what can be saved and what’s beyond hope. Her eyes roam over my face, the dark circles, the split lip I can’t even recall getting, the emptiness in my eyes that violence always leaves behind, and I know the moment she sees it. The truth of what I’ve done. Not the details, but the rough shape of it: the blood that’s not all mine, the fresh cuts on my knuckles, the way I carry myself like someone who’s been hollowed out and filled with something darker and more permanent.

She doesn’t ask. She doesn’t need to. Whatever she sees in my face, she accepts it, not with approval, not with horror, but with the quiet understanding of a woman who loves a man capable of terrible things and has decided that the terrible things don’t change the love between them.

“Okay,” she says. Just that. One word, carrying the weight of forgiveness and acceptance and the particular grace of someone willing to hold the monster as well as the man.

She settles against my chest, her head finding the hollow of my throat, her bandaged hand resting over my heart. I feel her breathing sync with mine, in and out, in and out, our bodies finding the rhythm that’s always lived between us, the unique cadence of two people who fit together like they were designed for it.

The cabin creaks as the old wood settles, wind whispers through the pines, and the river murmurs in the distance. Tiana lays on the couch in the living room. My mother’s gentle snores drift from the guest room. The outside world with its contracts, violence, stark rooms, and blood is real but feels far away. It’s kept at bay by these cabin walls and the intimate pull of her body against mine.

I run my fingers through her hair, careful near the tender spot, moving through the curls gently. It feels like penance, a prayer, and the first honest thing I’ve done in days. She lets out a soft sound, a mix of contentment and exhaustion, and her body relaxes, the tension ebbing away until she’s light as air, completely at ease.

“Sleep,” I whisper into her hair. “I’ve got you. I’m right here.”

Her breathing deepens. Slows. The particular pattern of someone sliding from consciousness into the deep, restorative darkness of true sleep. Her fingers curl against my chest, her grip tightening for one brief, reflexive moment, the last holdout of a woman who’s been fighting to stay awake, to stay present, to make sure the safety isn’t a dream.

Then she lets go. Her hand relaxes. Her breathing evens out, and I feel the exact moment she crosses over, the shift in her weight, the softening of her face against my skin, the particular stillness that means she’s finally, truly sleeping.

I hold her.

For hours. Through the night, through the slow rotation of the moon across the cabin window, through the distant calls of owls and the particular predawn silence that exists only in places like this. I hold her and I breathe and I let the last of the adrenaline drain out of my body, leaving behind something raw and aching and fundamentally changed.

The beast is full. Not gone—it won’t ever truly vanish, not after what it’s done, but it’s calm. Sleeping deep in my chest, wrapped around the knowledge that the danger is over and we can relax now.

I press my lips to the top of her head. Feel her curls against my mouth. Breathe in her shampoo and antiseptic and that deeper, sweeter scent that’s just her, just Trixie, just the woman who rewrote my entire existence with nothing but her courage and her stubborn love.

“Rest, sweetheart,” I murmur against her hair. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be here every morning after that. I promise.”

She doesn’t answer. She’s deep in sleep, her body warm and heavy against mine, her breathing steady and slow. But her fingers curl against my chest again, just slightly, just enough, and I feel it like a vow.

I close my eyes.