Page 50

I wanted you.

But then everything started feeling heavy and I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.

This isn’t fair, you know.

This… you leaving me…

I just…

Please come home.

Day Two.

I woke up in our bed between Mamma and Chiara. The sheets still smell of you.

How can your scent still linger but you don’t…

We went to the funeral home and, of course, they had already received your letter telling them exactly what you wanted. I added some things because… well, somehow I feel like this is my funeral too.

People keep coming over. Our fridge is full of food I’ll never eat, and everyone is staring at me like I might break any minute now and they’re ready to help me… but they don’t realize I broke the minute you left, and I don’t want anyone to put me back together.

My dad brought your remaining suitcase from the hospital, and your jacket that wouldn’t fit in it… you know, that dark woolen one I like to see you in…

I tried to put it in our closet, but your scent is everywhere, especially on that stupid jacket. I hope you don’t mind, but I put it back in the suitcase. I tried to make it fit in there because I am not going to unpack that.

Nope, nuh-uh…

So I tried to fit it in there and it just wouldn’t close, and I started kicking the stupid suitcase and… well, Chiara walked in, saw me and helped me calm down…

But it isn’t fair.

Your stuff is here with me, but you are not…

I don’t understand.

I keep picking up my phone to tell you this, but then I remember your phone is in that stupid suitcase and

You

Are

Not

Here!

Please come home.

Day three.

We had your funeral today…

And they sent me back home with an urn.

Did you choose this thing? Of course you did!

And of course it’s black and white, your stupid obsession with Juventus still alive and well, unlike you…

People stayed so long, telling stories about you, your nonna made your favorite dish, meatballs just the way you like them, but they weren’t exactly as you made them. And as I stared at those stupid meatballs I realized… you never told me that stupid secret ingredient!