Page 221

I lower my glass carefully and force my attention back to the table. Jane is smiling as Sebastian talks about the baby, and Ross looks happier than I've seen him in years.

Until tonight, I've thought of the truth in personal terms. Ross discovering he has sons. Wells and Miles discovering they have a father they've never known. The anger, the questions, the years I kept from him, and the consequences that would come with finally telling him.

This is bigger.

A few hours ago, I was considering telling him everything. Now I understand how much everything actually means. The thought turns cold inside me.

Ross glances across the table and catches me watching him. His expression changes slightly.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply. "I'm fine."

He studies me for another moment, but Sebastian has already moved the conversation back toward the baby, and I let myself follow with it. I smile when I'm supposed to, ask Jane another question about how she's feeling, and keep my voice steady enough that no one else seems to notice anything has changed. Ross does. I can feel it every time his eyes return to me.

I stay quiet through the rest of dinner. Not withdrawn enough to draw attention from Jane or Sebastian, but quieter than I was before. I answer when someone speaks to me, smile when it is expected, and keep my hands steady around my glass.

Ross notices anyway. I feel his attention on me more than once, but he doesn’t ask again. By the time we finish, Jane is tired and Sebastian is already insisting she sit while he clears the last of the dishes. The evening winds down naturally after that.

I hug Jane before we leave and congratulate them both again.

“Thank you,” Jane says warmly.

Sebastian pulls me into another quick hug.

“It was good seeing you,” he says.

“You too,” I reply.

Ross and I leave a few minutes later.

The night air is cool when we step outside, and I wrap my coat tighter around me as we walk toward the Range Rover. Ross opens the passenger door, but I pause before getting in.

He looks at me.

“You’re somewhere else,” he says.

“I’m tired,” I reply.

He knows that isn’t all of it.

For once, he lets me keep the rest.

I get into the car, and he closes the door behind me.

On the drive back, I keep my eyes on the passing streets and let the distance return. The weekend had made everything feel possible. Dinner reminds me what is actually at stake.

By the time Ross pulls up outside my hotel, the answer I had been moving toward all weekend has changed.

I’m not telling him.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Ross

The board meeting runs twenty minutes longer than scheduled, and by the time I step back into my office, my assistant has already moved the next call and left three documents waiting for my signature.

I set my phone beside the folders and open my laptop, intending to clear the most urgent messages before New York comes back online. One subject line stops me before I get very far.