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Stealing His Duchess

Page 64

by Violet Hamers

“No,” Cornelius agreed slowly. “It does not excuse it entirely. But it explains a great deal I never understood before tonight.” He paused, something shifting visibly in his expression – the last of his old anger finally settling into something gentler. “I forgive you, Hudson. Not because you have earned some perfect absolution tonight, but because I understand, now, that you were only ever a frightened boy trying to protect the one person he had left to protect. We had both let our pasts define us for far too long. It is well past time we started living for ourselves instead.”

“I would like that,” Hudson said, something honest and hopeful breaking through his usual composure. “And I would like, very much, to know my brother properly again – not as someone to be managed or protected, but simply as he is.”

Cornelius crossed the room slowly, and for a moment Anna thought he meant only to stand before his brother, to offer some final, formal acknowledgment of the apology. Instead, he pulled Hudson into an embrace, brief and fierce, the sort of gesture two proud men rarely permitted themselves except in moments of genuine reckoning.

“You may begin,” Cornelius started, stepping back at last, a faint, watery smile tugging at his mouth as he cleared his throat against whatever emotion still threatened to overwhelm him, “By congratulating me on my upcoming marriage.”

“I am glad for you,” Hudson said, and Anna could hear, beneath the words, the genuine warmth within them as he set down a burden he had carried for far too long. “Truly, Cornelius. I know Edith will make you happy, and I look forward to knowing the family you will have.”

“Thank you,” Cornelius beamed, and then, turning to Anna with something more solemn in his expression, “And thank you, Anna, for your patience with us tonight. We are sorry, both of us, for the fear we caused you. It was never our intention.”

“I know,” Anna assured gently. “And I forgive you, though I would ask that any future engagements be conducted with rather less abduction involved.”

Edith laughed, the sound bright with relief. “I believe we can safely promise that much, at the very least.”

“See that you do,” Anna urged, though her smile softened the mock severity of it. “I have had quite enough excitement for one lifetime, between the two of you and your brother combined.”

“We shall endeavor to be exceedingly dull from this point forward,” Cornelius promised solemnly, though the corner of his mouth twitched with barely suppressed humor.

“I shall hold you to that,” Anna said, laughing despite herself.

They did not linger much longer after that – Cornelius and Edith excusing themselves with promises to return properly, in daylight, to see the twins and to discuss wedding preparations at greater length – and Anna found herself alone with Hudson in his study for the first time since the whole ordeal had begun, the door closing softly behind their departing guests.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke.

“I was so afraid,” Hudson admitted finally, his voice breaking the silence with a rawness Anna had never heard from him before. “When I found your room empty, I thought – I did not know what to think. I imagined every possible harm that might have befallen you, and I could not forgive myself for having spent the previous evening too consumed with my own troubles to notice you needed me for something far more urgent.”

“You could not have known,” Anna said softly.

“I should have been more vigilant,” Hudson refuted stubbornly. “I should have been paying attention, rather than retreating into my study like a coward because I was afraid of what I might discover about myself if I let you close enough to ask the right questions. My lack of vigilance nearly cost me our marriage, and there is nothing worth as much as that to me.”

He crossed the room to where she stood, stopping close enough that she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes, close enough that she could see, plainly now, the exhaustion and fear still lingering there beneath his composure.

“I love you,” he stated, without preamble, without any of his usual careful deliberation. “I do not know precisely when it happened, or how, given how poorly our marriage began, but I love you, Anna, entirely and without reservation, and the thought of losing you tonight was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced – more frightening than anything my stepmother ever threatened me with, more frightening than any risk I have ever calculated in the whole of my life.”

Anna felt the words settle into her chest like warmth spreading through cold hands, and she found herself smiling before she had fully decided to.

“I love you as well,” she admitted, the confession easier than she had expected, as though it had simply been waiting for permission to surface. “I have for some weeks now, I think, though I did not allow myself to name it properly until tonight, when Cornelius asked me plainly if I wished to be free of you, and I found I could not bear the thought of it.”

Hudson’s hands came up to frame her face, echoing the same gesture he had made in the courtyard when he first saw her step down from the carriage, though this time there was no panic in it, only a tenderness that made her breath catch.

“I will not leave you again,” he promised. “Not for a year, not for a night, not for any reason short of death itself. I promise you that, Anna, with everything I am.”

“What changed?” Anna asked softly, needing to understand. “You have carried this fear of your stepmother, this instinct toward control, for the whole of your life. What allowed you to finally set it down tonight?”

Hudson considered the question seriously, his thumb tracing gently along her cheekbone as he thought.

“I think,” he said slowly, “I finally understood that controlling everything around me had never once kept the people I loved safe. It kept Cornelius resentful. It kept you at arm’s length for a year, when I might have known you – known our children – so much sooner, had I simply trusted enough to try. Control was never protection, Anna. It was only ever fear, dressed up prettily enough that I could bear to look at it in the mirror each morning.”

“And now?”

“Now I would rather risk being hurt honestly than protected dishonestly,” Hudson simply informed. “You are worth that risk. You have always been worth it. I was simply too much of a coward to see it clearly until I very nearly lost you tonight, standing in that empty room, imagining every terrible fate that might have befallen you while I sat brooding uselessly only a few doors away.”

“You found me,” Anna reminded him gently. “That is what matters now.”

“I found you,” he agreed. “And I do not intend to spend another moment taking that for granted.”

He pressed his forehead to hers, breathing her in as though to reassure himself once more that she was truly there, truly whole, truly his to hold. “When Miss. Hill told me your bed had not been slept in, I felt as though the whole world had tilted beneath me. I do not know how I managed to keep functioning at all, in those hours before you returned.”