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“You’re not leaving me!” And again. “Four.”

“Elara.” He growls my name as my stomach brushes against his cock through his pants again. “I’m not letting you go.”

“Five.” Smack

“Six.” Smack.

“Say you won’t leave me.” He almost roars and leaves three hard slaps simultaneously, making me wither in pain and pleasure.

I count, and I count.

Our breaths are ragged, and from tingling to numb I keep on counting as we cross twenty. “Fucking say it.”

The dull throb is live again and I nod before moaning a loud. “I won’t leave you.”

“Say, you’re sorry for even thinking of leaving me.” He hits me again.

I am not, but I say it nonetheless.

I can feel myself getting wet, turning into a shivering, whining mess. I want it to end or for it to end me.

“I’m sorry for even thinking of leaving you.” I hear him gasp.

“Say my name.”

“Sergei.”

“Louder.” Another slap. “I. Want. To. Hear. You.” “Sergei, I’m sorry.” I tell him.

“I want you.” He pants, his chest heaving, his lips glossy as he licks them.

I turn around before he can spank me again. My arse throbs as I settle in his lap, my arms entangling around his neck and I pull him into an embrace.

I know a panic attack when I see one.

“You’re not—”

“I’m not leaving you.” I snuggle closer, letting my presence calm his rage down.

Whatever it is, it troubles me enough to overlook my own pain. For someone who has zero regard for her own life, it comes easily to me.

His hands wrap me in a tight embrace as a response and he hides his face in my chest.

“I’m not leaving you.” I whisper again, with a confidence I didn’t know I possessed.

A complete lie. Because I’m leaving, if not right now then in two months. I have to.

His breathing softens, the tension bleeding out of him as though my words are an anchor keeping him from drifting too far into himself.

Why does the thought of losing me affect him this much?

And more importantly, why does his pain make me feel guilty? Not like it did with my sister Amara.

She made me feel guilty for existing, like I was an inconvenience, and so was my pain.

Like I had to fix myself.

This feels different, like I want to stay. He makes me feel seen, he makes me feel wanted.